The man`s [Bush] embarrassing He s not my president and he never will be eithe

I want to go to sleep in my time machine and wake up eight hours in the future.

There’s not a person alive who is ugly. Now dead people, they disgust me.

Forgive O Lord my little jokes on Thee And I ll forgive Thy great big one on me

I live on shameless flattery...and vodka...but the two usually go hand in hand.

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep he

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender but you don`t have a top for it

Don't you want to know what cookies is a code word for?" "No! Good God, no!

No, but as a vampire, I'm able to detect subtle shifts in emotional energy.

I must have killed a lot of cows in a past life for Karma to hate me this much.

I ve got no bosoms In Africa they went to name an underdeveloped nation after me

My whole family is lactose intolerant; when we take pictures we can t say cheese

If you want to change the world, just change yourself. The world needs traitors.

A brick is to a blanket, as the moon is to Sun Tzu. Fear my fearlessness!


Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today It may be made illegal by then