Common sense is so rare these days that it should be classified as a super powe

I have yet to meet a kind witty interesting attractive rich person I didn t like

If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success

Siamese twins have it great because one can jack off while the other talks dirty.

I bought all those Jane Fonda videos I love to sit and eat cookies and watch them

Ish #303 "It's a street food vendor! Stop asking for the health score rating.

I want to move to a ghost town and try to sell the population bodies to dwell in.

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

One of my girlfriends was getting married. This was becoming an annoying pattern.

When I was a kid I had two imaginary friends They would only play with each othe

I hate when I m about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirro

I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me arefurious!

Who inspires me to write? My clone. I just want him to appreciate me as a person.