The trouble with Socialism is sooner or later you run out of other people s money

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul

I may be drunk Miss but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman

Love makes the world go round? Not at all Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast

Love is the only gift that’s acceptable to give away as soon as you get it.

I have found men who didn t know how to kiss I ve always found time to teach them

Don t tell my mother I m in politics: she thinks I play the piano in a whorehouse

What if I was the sexual equivalent of popcorn? Suitable for light snacking only?

If it weren t for marriage men and women would have to fight with total strangers

The secret of staying young is to live honestly eat slowly and lie about your age

If the nation s economists were laid end to end they would point in all directions

My favorite thing to do is watch the radiation box. Not the TV, but the microwave.

If I weren’t too proud, I’d boast of my exaggerated opinion of myself.

A man is always devoted to something more tangible than a woman - the idea of her.