Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.

She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it..

You make me sound like an arrogant ass," he said."Are you?""No! I'm just me.

My father went AWOL the day I got dishonorably discharged from his penis.


Other crack teams get bat boomerangs and wall-climbing powers; we get Aquatruck.

You gotta be careful: don't say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.

Life would be a great deal easier if dead things had the decency to remain dead.

If you’re at the bar trying to pick up women, remember: bend at the knees.

I had a dream about you last night.. You pretended not to be a three hole punch.

If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time

Witnesses in my dream can place me in my bed, asleep, at the time of the murder.

Like the ocean I wave. Hello and goodbye are the same, when I talk with my hand.

I normally don't do requests. Unless, of course, I have been asked to do so.

Love is a green sky on a blue pasture, and I am the flying cow eating it all up.