Oh, Micheal darling!""Don't call me darling, I'm a driving instructor!

A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice

And you look beautiful," she added."I look like a cake.""But a beautiful cake.

When I compliment you, I compliment myself, because I am who I associate with.

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers

I know this is war, but the rest of us are trying to pretend it's a party.

I get a lot of big ideas, and occasionally I actually come up with one myself.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step he s too old to go anywhere

There are moments when everything goes well; don t be frightened it won t last

A brick could be shoved in your buttocks. You know, for your enjoyment.


You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone

I never arrive unannounced without something big and juicy in hand.- Simon Hunt

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep he

Hey, A-D-D,” she called out to Claire, “come over and try these on.

Otulissa swelled up to twice her normal size. 'Well, SPRINK ON YOUR SPRONK!