Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity – another man’s, I mean.

If they wanted their shit stirred, then stirred their shit was jolly well going to be.

Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.

There s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you

The Lord turned water into wine. All I'm suggesting is a trip to the grocery store.

The reason there s so much ignorance is that those who have it are so eager to share it

You wake me up early in the morning to tell me I am right? Please wait until I am wrong

Those who believe they can do something and those who believe they can t are both right

I want to be the mayor of a small town. A small town I populated entirely with my seed.

On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars.


I frequently observe that one pretty face would be followed by five and thirty frights.

If I promise you I'll show up fifteen minutes late, I'll always arrive on time.

Love is the emotion that a woman feels always for a poodle dog and sometimes for a man.

A civil servant is sometimes like a broken cannon - it won t work and you can t fire it