Who are you and how did you get in here?" "I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.

Love is as old as time, though it is considerably more difficult to stuff inside a watch.

If my life’s work could fit on a stamp, I’d want you to lick it before I die.

Want to dance? We have music this time. And I don't have to punch you when we finish.

Man is rated the highest animal at least among all animals who returned the questionnaire

You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality!

I have a real problem keeping friends. I'm always running out of space in my freezer.

I wanted a divorce, so I bought myself a house, to give me the incentive to stay married.

I can't see anything" he said in a muffled voice, hand over his eyes. "I'm blind.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his

I don t want to achieve immortality through my work I want to achieve it through not dying

Agatha was a woman. All women are mortal. Therefore, Agatha must be dead.” -Orafoura

Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence after all intelligence has it s limits

The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters

With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress.