I feel my brains, like a pear, to see if it's ripe; it will be exquisite by September.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog Few people are interested and the frog dies of it

If love were a color, it’d be transparent, like all women’s clothing should be.

Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.

You’re used to being the smartest guy in the room. Solitary confinement will do that.

Abandoned babies are unfortunate unwanted results of a once urgent desire to have an orgasm

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn t need glasses Drinks right out of the bottle

I had a dream about you last night.. You were in the amazon rain forest yipping like a dog.

If you have one eye on Yesterday and one eye on Tomorrow you are going to be cockeyed Today

The show doesn’t go on because it’s ready; it goes on because it’s 11:30.

I need to hire a babysitter for Friday night. I also need to buy myself some adult diapers.

Comedy has to be based on truth You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog Few people are interested and the frog dies of it

Bücher haben Ehrgefühl. Wenn man sie verleiht, kommen sie nicht mehr zurück.

A mechanical toothbrush is the greatest oral device in the history of the sex toy industry.