Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.

Trust her; we girls are two sheets short of psycho when it comes to our special little time.

Love smells like a flower in bloom. A flower that's sitting on a pile of steaming feces.

Before we work on artificial intelligence why don t we do something about natural stupidity?

This I conceive to be the chemical function of humor: to change the character of our thought

There are shades of schadenfreude. My favorite shade is bright red, from a haughty spanking.

Cole, for Christ's sake, will you stop staring at me like I'm beefcake of the month?

The Doctor: I've seen bigger.Clara: Really?The Doctor: Are you joking? It's massive!

Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea

Unless your name ends in Baskin or Robbins I really can t fit you into my schedule right now

The thought of being with Shay Wilder makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a butter knife

CONFESSION NO. 18 Girls just want to have fun…and live to tell about it the next day.

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases

You'll blow up a helicopter, but you won't go out with me? What is wrong with you?

When nobody practices what they strongly believe in, that day will be a triumph of prudence.