I don't need shoes. I need a night scope. You think they sell night scopes someplace here?

If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life choose a sense of humo

Concentration is the ability to think about absolutely nothing when it is absolutely necessary

My wife had her driving test the other day She got 8 out of 10 The other two guys jumped clea

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I m not sure about the universe

Ms. Fang is the nicest, sweetest teacher at Scary School. She only ate twelve kids last year.

Yesterday I memorized Shakespeare, and tomorrow I'm also going to memorize his first name.

Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them

We’ve all got weaknesses. Me, for instance. I’m tragically funny and good-looking.

...which, of course, is how I developed my love for both Kabuki theater and marshmallow Peeps.

I shed a tear when I meet somebody who always quits. Reliable people are so rare in this world.

My doctor gave me six months to live but when I could t pay the bill he gave me six months more

Whatever you may look like marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades so will his eyesight

Don’t put your wand there, boy! ... Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!

A brick, in the hands of a Mason, could be used to cover up and hide a secret handshake.