OKAY. So I was going to the library every Saturday. So what? So what? It's not like I was reading books or anything.

Okay, well I think the programme is like being screamed at for an hour by a drunk with a strobe-light, but like I said--

So I got a new job, and I start tomorrow. I’m excited to have a job, and bummed out I’m going to be working.

He told me his last name was Green. “Green?” I asked. “Can you spell that for me? I’m colorblind.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter If you can find humor in anything even poverty you can survive it

Can I buy you an ice cream beforeI take you home? I feel like it’s the least I can do after scaring your shirt off.

What did you think of him?" Cade asked."Give me some credit," Zach said. "Guy’s more full of shit than a duck pond.

Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving a gift which you did not have to pay for.

The man may be the head of the household. But the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head whichever way she pleases.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter If you can find humor in anything even poverty you can survive it

Look, I'm a guy. Your ass was touching my groin. Of course I'm going to pop a boner. It's a natural reaction.

It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.

Love your wife, your servant and your enemy equally, and file her credit card bills under the ‘enemy’ folder.

Everybody just lets the media do their thinking for them... that's why you'll never hear any reggae on the radio!

I love you because I love you, and if you don’t like it you can use my circular logic as a noose and hang yourself.