I should have known the power-hungry slave drivers at River's Edge would see my five days of freedom only as a challenge to be filled.

What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone's been on a 747.

Remember, I'm the only person her who's paid to be nice to you. But not too nice. Give me any lip and I'll break your face. OK?

I rolled my eyes. “Do all narcotics officers lack basic humancompassion, or were you just not hugged enough as a child?”Trust Me

Val had a horrific image of Lisa peering through a magnifying glass like a grotesquely teenybopper version of Nancy Drew — in jeggings.

My book sales are way down today. Also, I've received two scathing reviews. One of them calls me “a purveyor of insipid wet-dreams.

If he didn't want to be mauled by a sex-starved woman who hadn't gotten any skin in months, he'd better keep his hands to himself.

I wasn't exactly sure what "nothing good" meant, but I could imagine in this world of humans, "nothing good" could mean a lot of bad things.

why can't you place a blessing like that on us," I asked."It only works on wild animals," "So it would only affect Percy," Annabeth reasoned.

Some days you were the bitch and some days you were shit that came out of the bitch's toy poodle. Today was one of those days I was the latter.

Remember. Make him cry uncle.Cry uncle, my posterior. I'm going to make him cry like a girl who broke her mom's designer heels at the prom.

One fall day in Boston, a tall mechanical engineering student named Joe entered the student union at Harvard University. He was all ambition and acne

Babe, I don't know you and my no zone has a very short guest list. Consider my belt the velvet rope no one crosses without an express invitation.

Some people drip wax on themselves like a human chianti bottle to see if they feel anything….but getting a wicker basket to fit them is a fiasco

Ingmar riuscì ad intrecciarsi a tal punto col filo del telefono che per liberarsi strappó il cavo e tutto l'apparecchio dalla parete.