You self-proclaimed "MILF" hunters have it all wrong -- we aren't the prey, YOU are. You are but a Service Male - a SMILF!

We are no guiltier in following the primative impulses that govern us than is the Nile for her floods or the sea for her waves.

Like all real heroes, Charley had a fatal flaw. He refused to believe that he had gonorrhea, whereas the truth was that he did.

A rose is a mixture of flower and thorns, which means it’s half “Let’s fuck,” and half “fuck you.

I've never had vanilla sex before. There's a lot to be said for it. But then, maybe it's because it's with you.

Unii ar zice ca Scorpionii sunt obsedati de sex. Dar nu penisul, ci inima mi-e organul cel mai neascultator: bate pentru altii.

I love coffee like I love making love. It’s like liquid sex, except you don’t want to spill it all over your crotch.

A salary is, to a man's employer, what his wife's vagina is to his wife: a tool used to (1) reward; and (2) control him.

She loved the fact he was older than her and more experienced, he had so much to teach her and she couldn’t wait to learn.

When sex is Freon any occasion, it usually involves something dripping and toxic. At least that's what my mechanic tells me.

Good, because if the guy isn't making you walk funny after sex, then probably isn't anything to write home to mom about.

I just cut my beard. I used a tractor, because farmers make the best lovers. But why sell produce when you could sell reproduce?

When you're young, you think that sex is the culmination of intimacy. Later you discover that it's barely the beginning.

Our sisters and brothers were picked up in public by local commanders for the purpose of sex and luxury and we could do nothing.

Love is like Atlantis, OK? And I’m just a humble scuba diver searching for treasure that I can exchange for sexual favors.