If the alarm clock woke you up this morning you didn t get enough sleep

People can travel faster than sound yes but not nearly so fast as rumo

Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on the same side

Obesity doesn t run in family The main problem is nobody runs in family

Obesity doesn t run in family The main problem is nobody runs in family

Women are like elephants I like to look at them but I d hate to own one

Accept that some days you re the pigeon and some days you re the statue

I always give waiters a tip but they never seem to appreciate my advice

Always go to other people s funerals otherwise they won t come to yours

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing

I can t decide whether I should be a good example or a horrible warning

Childhood is like being drunk Everyone remembers what you did except you

My father was a workaholic Everytime someone mentioned work he got drunk

I saw a bank that said `24 Hour Banking` but I don`t have that much time

Everyone makes mistakes The trick is to make them when nobody is looking