The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby

A New Year s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the othe

Vuja Dé: the strange feeling you get that nothing has happened before

If a man tells a woman she s beautiful she ll overlook most of his other lies

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings

Too many people are ready to carry the stool when the piano needs to be moved

I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back Nice Ass

When the toilet paper of experience is depleted the ass of reason goes unwiped

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence

A person who confuses food processor with word processor ends up mincing words

The guy who said that truth never hurts never had to fill out a IT Return Form

Hospitality is making your guests feel at home -- even when you wish they were

Our government really takes care of us They even give us free income tax forms

I did such an excellent job at being born that I even got a certificate for it

People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women