I had dreams and I ve had nightmares I overcame the nightmares because of my dreams

A Magazine is a bunch of printed pages that tell you what s coming in the next issue

My girlfriend told me I needed to be more affectionate so I got two more girlfriends

Women are like elephants Everyone likes to look at them but no-one likes to keep one

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again

Have you heard about the new web site for people with dyslexia? It s com dyslexia www

Statistics are like bikinis What they conceal is more important than what they reveal

The Opera is the only place where a guy gets stabbed and instead of bleeding he sings

What you say is always more important than how you say it except when you re swearing

Signage in a hospital waiting room: Smoking helps you lose weight One lung at a time

Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who s totally free for the weekend

You laugh at me because I m different but I laugh at you because you are all the same

There are two reasons why some folks don t mind their own business No mind No business

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it

We all get heavier as we get older because there is a lot more information in our heads