I go to a woman dentist It s a relief to be told to open my mouth instead of to shut it

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left

If they say Good looks could kill then please don t look at me I don t wanna see you die

Happiness is like peeing your pants everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth

Diplomat tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip

It s because light travels faster then sound that some people look bright until they talk

Doctors bury their mistakes Lawyers hang them But journalists put theirs on the front page

When he cancels a date it is bcoz he has to when she cancels a date it is bcoz she has two

Girls want a lot of things from one guy Conversely guys want one thing from a lot of girls

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses

Even experienced public speakers get butterflies The trick is to make them fly in formation

Taxpayer: Someone who doesn t have to take a public service exam to work for the government

Right now I m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time I think I ve forgotten this before

A mother makes her son Intelligent in 20 years but a girl can make him stupid in two minutes

Optometrist s office: If you don t see what you re looking for you ve come to the right place