The remote isn’t broke—it just needs batteries. Well, it’s the same with my love.

The old woman was the kind who would not cut down a large old tree because it was a large old tree.

The first two letters of her name were M and E and I thought, Yes! Finally, a name I can relate to.

People like crowds The bigger the crowd the more people show up Small crowd hardly anybody shows up

People like crowds The bigger the crowd the more people show up Small crowd hardly anybody shows up

I want to be an actor. I’ve already started taking steps. Yesterday I applied to be a waiter.

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs jolted by every pebble in the road

Yes she met with a slight accident involving a stake." Ash said "funny how that happens sometimes...

Some people were just getting on with their lives, chatting, being young. It simply wouldn't do.

They say a sneeze is 1/10th of an orgasm. Perhaps that’s why it takes me 18 seconds to sneeze.

I would never say snog. I would say osculate.” She looks at me as if to say: why do you exist?

Money frees you from doing things you dislike Since I dislike doing nearly everything money is handy

I’m probably the last person on earth who will tell you I want to be the last person on earth.

Love is like a free lunch. You won’t find any in this life, because I had yours for breakfast.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.