I had a dream about you last night... I was a brick and you were a blanket. Damn that improbability drive.

AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!' he screamed.'So that's Sara,' I said.'Yes.''She seems nice.

If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay.

So what are you planning to do with the rest of your life?Develop a drinking problem. More Scotch, please.

David tells me that fairies never say 'We feel happy': what they say is, 'We feel dancey'.

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor It seems to worry them

I want to protect innocent people from sin by locking them in cages, where the evil can't get to them.

I have two problems with hard labor: hard and labor. I prefer soft, and I’d prefer not giving birth.

Juries scare me I don t want to put my faith in 12 people who weren t smart enough to get out of jury duty

One blanket, coupled with a fluffy pillow, could be implemented as a torture device for insomniacs.


Love is the hero of all emotions. My love for you is a superhero, and it looks great hidden behind a mask.

Jace said that the cast of Gilligan's Island could do something anatomically unlikely with themselves.

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you.