The British have three qualities: humour tenacity and realism I sometimes think we are still at the humour stage

The airlines are getting really security - conscious You can still fly but they won t tell you where you re going

I want to buy you a pair of YAP, or Yellow Admiration Pants (they have no crotch), and have you talk dirty to me.

My left hand is my bad hand. I spank it with my right hand. You might call it clapping, but I call it discipline.

I want to write a song about retaliation called, "Oh Yeah, and I Faked Every Orgasm...While You Were Out of Town.

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is

Besides, my drinking blood's not nearly as weird as that time I caught you shaving your legs.""I was curious!

A brick could be affixed to each end of an axle, for an example of transportation in a pre-wheel society. 


Never dance in a puddle when there's a hole in your shoe (it's always best to take your shoes off first).

What the hell am I doing...? Escape holding myself as a hostage...? I won't be able to make it like that...

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.

You’re disoriented. You just woke up. You’re in the future. You’ve been asleep for eight hours.

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is

A perfect summer day: the sun is shining the breeze is blowing the birds are singing and the lawn mower is broken

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is