Woman, I could drown in your love, but I’d much rather be strangled. More passionate, don’t you agree?

My friend had sex with half of all the women in the city. I think he had sex with the lower half of all the women.

The wider you spread your fingers apart while clapping is equal to the amount of retarded you look while clapping.

When women are depressed they eat or go shopping Men invade another country It s a whole different way of thinking

It`s funny when people say `I don`t think Julia likes me ` Honey if I don`t like you you re going to know about it

Renaldo once made a sex tape, and even fully erect, he still had to shoot it four times just to get some "footage.

You see, unlike most writers today, I do not use a computer. I write the old-fashioned way: on the walls of caves.

Let come the forces of night! We will stand!" "We will get the hell out of here is what we will do," I muttered.

On Friday night, I was reading my new book, but my brain got tired, so I decided to watch some television instead.

If you were anyone else, your nuts would be taking a long vacation, and the destination would be out of your mouth

If my name was Richard, I'd go by Richard or Rich...not Dick. Hell I'd even settle for being called Chard.

A brick should decide who gets to rule the people, and I should decide what rules determine whom the brick favors.

A brick could be used to remind me of her. I mean everything else reminds me of her, so why not a brick too?


Remind me," he paused, drawing in a stuttered gasp, "to never piss you off again. Christ, are you secretly a ninja?

How long have you been standing there?""Just long enough to see you give Daemon the middle finger.""He deserved it.