Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

Remember every vote count's and every two are worth a nickel

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.

If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried

If things do not change,in the future we may all speak spell check.

My good sense bitch-slapped my estrogen and told her to get a grip.

Sometimes charm can make a person blind to truth...look at Ted Bundy.

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?-Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.

Green grass breaks through snow,Artemis pleads for my help,I am so cool.

Never make eye contact with a stranger when you’re having a churro.

If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculato

I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.

She said my glasses made me look like a butch jock's locker room bitch.

Life is like an atom bomb... It's a blast... but it can be a bummer too!

The only difference between me and a madman is that he has the certification