WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you

Intelligence is like underwear everyone should have it but we shouldn t show it off

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground you ll have trouble putting on your pants

If you always do what you ve always done you ll always get what you ve always gotten

All of the animals except man know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it

People cannot go wrong if you don t let them They cannot go right unless you let them

If you believe that dreams can come true be prepared for the occasional nightmare too

Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes it means you laugh at his

Why is it that when someone says they are no speech maker they have to go on to prove it?

Do not argue with an idiot He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience

Advice is like medicine - the correct dosage works wonders but an overdose can be dangerous

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world A pessimist fears that this is true

If you ve a 50-50 chance of getting something right there s a 90% chance you ll get it wrong

The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing

It s not a shortage of judges that causes the problems in our courts; it s the excess of lawyers