How was your golf game dear? asked Jack`s wife Tracy Well I was hitting pretty well but my eyesight`s gotten so bad I couldn`t see where the ball went But you`re seventy-five years old Jack admonished his wife Why don`t you take my brother Scott along? But he`s eighty-five and doesn`t even play golf anymore protested Jack But he`s got perfect eyesight He could watch your ball Tracy pointed out The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway Do you see it? asked Jack Yup Scott answered Well where is it? yelled Jack peering off into the distance I forgot

A country club didn t allow women on the golf course Eventually there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the course during the week The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement formed a women s club and became very active After about 6 months the club board received a letter from the women s club complaining about the men urinating on the golf course Naturally they just ignored the matter After another 6 months they received another letter reminding them of the previous letter and demanding action After due deliberation they sent the women a letter advising them that they had been granted equal privileges

Three guys are golfing with the club pro The first guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yards He turns to the pro and asks What did I do wrong? The pro says Loft The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods He asks the pro What did I do wrong? The pro says Loft The third guy tees off and hits a slice into the pond He asks the pro What did I do wrong? The pro again said Loft As they are walking to their balls the first guy finally speaks up and asks the pro The three of us hit completely different tee shots and when we asked you what we did wrong you gave the same answer each time What is loft? The pro said Lack of fu**ing talent

Once upon a time there was an archery contest The first archer wearing a long cape covering his face lines up in position He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow which finds the center of the target Then he takes of his cape and screams: I AM ROBIN HOOD The crowd cheers The second archer with a cape lines up in position He fires his arrow which hits the center and cuts robin hood s arrow into two He takes off his cape and screams: I AM WILLIAM TELL The crowd cheers Finally a third man in cape lines up in position He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong It flies past the crowd and kills the king Then the man takes off his cape and screams: I AM SORRY

What if Shikhar Dhawan was to be rated in corporate style after he hit a century against South Africa???? Dear Shikhar Dhawan Firstly congratulations on team India s 130 run victory against South Africa That is very much appreciated We are pleased to announce that you have been awarded a rating of C (Average Performer) for this match We realised that your score of 137 was not required when India could win by 130 runs anyway Only 7 runs from you were needed for the win We thank you for your efforts and we wish you all the best for rest of the series Should you have any questions on the appraisal system please feel free to contact us during your net practice - HR Manage

A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom No facilities nearby she found a sheltered area dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees She crashed and broke her leg The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital The doctor walked into her room Laughing hysterically he said You re not going to believe this but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain As he began to compose himself he asked So how did you break YOUR leg??

A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom No facilities nearby she found a sheltered area dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees She crashed and broke her leg The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital The doctor walked into her room Laughing hysterically he said You re not going to believe this but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain As he began to compose himself he asked So how did you break YOUR leg??

Joey decided to take a week off from the pressures of the office and went skiing Alas no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling: moments later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him Fortunately Joey was able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche hit Just as fortunately he had matches with him and was able to light a fire Hours later when everyone but Joey had returned a rescue team was sent to search for him After several hours they saw smoke curling from the cave and went to investigate Poking his head into the entrance one of the rescuers yelled Mr Joey are you there? It s the Red Cross Bristling the harried Joey called back Get lost I gave at the office

Three women were sitting around and bragging about their children The first one says You know my son he graduated first in his class from Stanford He s now a doctor making 250 000 a year in Chicago The second woman says You know my son he graduated first in his class from Harvard he s now a lawyer making half a million dollars a year and he lives in Los Angeles The last woman says You know my son he never did too well in school He never went to any university but he now makes one million dollars a year in New York working as a sports repairman The other two women ask What is a sports repairman? The woman then replies He fixes games you know hockey games football games baseball games cricket games

An old man and his wife had just gone to bed After laying in bed for a few minutes the old man cut a fart and says Seven Points His wife rolls over and asks What in the world was that? The old man says Touchdown I m ahead 7 to nothing A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says Touchdown Tie score After about ten minutes later the old man farts again and says Touchdown I m ahead 14-7 Now starting to get into this the wife quickly farts again and says Touchdown tie score The old man strains really hard but to no avail; he can t fart so not to be outdone by his wife he gives it everything he has and poops in the bed The wife asks Now what in the world was that? The old man replies Half-Time Switch-Sides

Murphy and his friend George go golfing together one Saturday morning as they have done for 20 years straight Later that day Murphy returns home exhausted and plops down in the easy chair His wife is concerned and asks if something went wrong with his game No no he replied I had the best game I had in years As a matter of fact I started out the first three holes at 4 under par including a hole-in-two on the 3rd So why are you so beat? his wife asked Well George had a heart attack and died on the 4th hole he said What??? And you re so exhausted from trying to save him huh? No It was very quick and there was nothing anyone could ve done But after that it was just hit the ball drag George hit the ball drag George

On summer vacation Jaime and her son Andy went to visit Jaime s Uncle George who owned a nice farm While there Uncle George was helping one of his cows give birth when he noticed his four-year-old Great Nephew Andy standing at the fence wide-eyed and soaking in the whole event Uncle George thought to himself: Great now I m gonna have to explain the birds and bees to him Well no need to jump the gun I ll just wait and see if he has any questions and I ll just answer them as best I can After he finished helping the cow with her birthing he walked over to Andy and asked him Do you have any questions about what you seen here tonight? Just one the little boy whispered eyes still wide with wonder How fast was that calf going when he hit the cow?

You have two sides one out in the field and one in Each man that`s in the side that`s in goes out and when he`s out he comes in and the next man goes in until he`s out When they are all out the side that`s out comes in and the side thats been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out Sometimes you get men still in and not out When a man goes out to go in the men who are out try to get him out and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out When both sides have been in and all the men have out and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in including those who are not out that is the end of the game

Gayle: Sir I scored 211 Runs in 118 Balls I made the team win the crucial match I should get A rating Manager: You hit 17 Sixes and 23 Fours Though that is good but that is not something new you have done That is why we hired you As this is not something new I will mark it as Innovation Lacking Gayle: But sir I played according to the situation I took 21 singles as well Manager: Exactly your performance is not consistent You played 15 Dot Balls as well This means you failed to optimize the resources Gayle: But Manager: Also I would like to mention that you are not a team player The whole team scored 112 and you all alone made 211 Gayle: What ??? Manager: Yes So overall you are getting a C rating for the year Improve Consistency Innovation Utilization and Team Work

There was a very rich man He fell sick and could not be cured by any Doctor Ultimately he came across a Doctor who cured his ailment After the cure the rich man asked the Doctor to ask for anything he cared in the World But the Doctor refused to accept any gifts on the plea that it was his duty and he has charged him the professional fees On much insistence by the rich man The Doctor agreed for a gift He said that he would like to have a pair of Golf Clubs A few months passed and the Doctor did not receive the clubs He thought that the rich man probably was trying to impress him and he would probably not send him the clubs After 6 months the Doctor received a Call from the rich man and asked that the Clubs are ready but whether he cared to have a swimming pool in any of them