GOD created the DONKEY and told him `You will work tireless from sunrise up to sunset carrying heavy bags on your back you will eat grass You will not have intelligence and you will live 50 years You will be a DONKEY ` The DONKEY answered `I will be a DONKEY but living 50 years is too much give me only 20 years ` and God gave him 20 years GOD created DOG and told him ` You will look after man`s house you will be his best friend you will eat whatever they give you and you will live 25 years You will be a DOG ` The DOG answered `GOD living 25 years is too much give only 10 years ` and GOD gave him 10 years GOD created the MONKEY and told him `you will jump from branch to branch you will do silly things you will be amusing and you will live 20 years you will be a MONKEY ` The MONKEY answered ` GOD living 20 years is too much give me only 10 years ` and GOD gave him 10 years Finally GOD created MAN and told him `you will be a MAN the only rational being on this earth and you will use your intelligence to control other animals you will dominate the world and you will live for 20 years The MAN answered GOD I will be a man but living 20 years is not enough why don`t you give me the 30 years that the DONKEY refused the 15 years that the DOG didn`t want and the 10 years that the MONKEY refused ?`That was exactly what GOD did and since then: MAN lives 20 years like a MAN then he gets married and spends 30 years like a DONKEY working and carrying the load on his back then when his children leave he spends 15 years like DOG looking after the house and eating whatever is given to him Then he gets old retires and spends 10 years like a MONKEY jumping from house to house or from children to children doing silly things to amuse his grandchildren

A group of bats is hanging around upside down as usual mostly sleeping Suddenly one notices that Charlie is on the floor standing upright and looking around Hey Charlie he calls out What are you doing down there? Charlie looks up and says Yoga

Two women who are dog owners are arguing which dog is smarter: First woman : My dog is so smart Every morning he waits for a paper boy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me Second woman : I know First one : How? Second one : My dog told me

These two cows are in standing in a field One says Hey are you worried about that Mad Cow`s Disease? The other one answers Nah it can`t affect me I`m a rabbit

The mother kangaroo suddenly leapt into the air and gave a cry of pain and anguish `Sidney ` she screamed `How many more times do I have to tell you that you cannot smoke in bed `

Who s the father of the chicken? Chiken Ka-bab Who s the mother of the chicken ? Chicken Ki-ma How do you tell a chicken to call you on your mobile? Kal-mi Kabab What happens when a chicken takes a bath ? Chicken Shower-ma

A wife says to her husband one weekend morning We`ve got such a clever dog He brings in the daily newspapers every morning Her husband replied Well lots of dogs can do that The wife responded But we`ve never subscribed to any papers

A frog telephoned the Psychic Hot line and was told You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you The frog said that`s great Will I meet her at a party or what? No said the psychic next semester in her biology class

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place Getting caught up in the spirit the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution Great idea ` the chicken cried Let s offer them ham and eggs? Not so fast said the pig testily For you that s a contribution For me it s a total commitment

Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant I was in that new restaurant across the street said one It s so clean The kitchen is spotless and the floors are gleaming white There is no dirt anywhere--it s so sanitary that the whole place shines Please said the other roach frowning Not while I m eating

A rabbit escaped from a research laboratory where he had lived since birth He joined a group of wild rabbits and lived their lives for a day He fed on juicy carrots fat lettuces and sighed with pleasure This is life he exclaimed So you are going to live with us? asked the others I wish I could but I really must get back to the laboratory I am dying for a cigarette

A lion was getting married At his wedding was a mouse shouting away and congratulating the lion All the best my brother good luck Seeing the mouse shouting away claiming that the lion getting married is his brother another Lion grabs the mouse and asks Who the hell do you think you are? How can a lion be your brother? The Mouse replied I was also a lion before I got married ”

1 Dogs don t have problems expressing affection in public 2 Dogs miss you when you are gone 3 You can train a dog 4 Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out 5 Dogs understand what NO means 6 Dogs mean it when they kiss you 7 When dogs play fetch they don t laugh at how you throw 8 Dogs are color blind 9 Dogs understand if some of their friends aren’t allowed to come inside

Recently the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs Here is the story of one frog and his discussion with his psychic A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you The frog says This is great Will I meet her at a party or what? No says the psychic Next semester in her biology class

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo Knowing that he could hop high the zoo officials put up a ten foot fence He was out the next morning just roaming around the zoo A twenty foot fence was put up Again he go out When the fence was forty feet high a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo How high do you think they`ll go? The kangaroo said About a thousand feet unless somebody locks the gate at night