Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree After hours of effort he reached the top jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground After recovering he slowly climbed the tree again jumped and fell to the ground The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts Finally the female bird turned to her mate Dear she chirped I think it`s time to tell him he`s adopted
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree After hours of effort he reached the top jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground After recovering he slowly climbed the tree again jumped and fell to the ground The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts Finally the female bird turned to her mate Dear she chirped I think it s time to tell him he s adopted
If animals have Facebook these are most likely to be their Status Updates Cockroach: Managed to skip from some one s foot step Man I lead a dangerous lifestyle Cat: My 7th child is asking who is her dad What shall I tell her? I don t even remember Mosquito: I am HIV positive this is all due to wrong sucking Pig: Oh gosh they throw the gossips that I am spreading flu WTF Chicken: If tomorrow there s no status update from my side means I m being served at KFC
A lion was getting married and all animals attended the wedding Every animal stood a distance and wished then lion A mouse came and climbed to the stage and extended his hand to wish the lion The lion roared in rage and said How dare you come up the stage? Even the tiger is maintaining distance and you climbed the stage The mouse replied and after listening to that the lion fainted What would have the mouse said ??? Any guess??? The mouse said Oh shut up buddy even I was lion before marriage
A duck walked into a general store waddled up to the counter and asked: Got any peanuts? No said the assistant The following day the duck was back again Got any peanuts? No said the assistant firmly The next day duck came in again Got any peanuts? No yelled the assistant I ve told you we don t have any peanuts If you come back in here again and ask for peanuts I ll nail your webbed feet to the floor The next day the duck came in again Got any nails? No said the assistant Good Got any peanuts?
A camel decided to educate his son who he suspected was getting a little inquisitive `Why do we have two humps?` asked the son `That is so that we can go for days and weeks without water We can store it in the humps ``Why do we have very long eye lashes?``That ` he was told `is to protect the eyes from the sand in a sand storm ``And why do we have bulbous looking feet?``That is so that we can travel twice as fast through the desert ` `Dad ` asked the young camel `what the hell are we doing in this zoo?`
Having arived at the edge of the river the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pantleg Looking down he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth
Having arrived at the edge of the river the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat Then he went about his fishing An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg Looking down he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth
A duck walks into a bar and asks Got any crackers? Bar tender says “No ” Duck walks out Duck walks in the next day and asks Got any crackers? Bar tender says “No ” Duck walks out Duck walks in the next day and asks “Got any crackers?”Bar tender says I told you yesterday and the day before that no And if you ask that one more time I’ll nail your beak shut Duck walks out Duck comes back the next day and asks Got any nails? Bar tender says “No ” Duck says Good Got any crackers?
Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship Follow me son the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing And they did Well done son Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing And they did Now we eat everybody And they did When they were both gorged the son asked Dad why didn t we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them? His wise father replied Because they taste better without the shit inside
The Flood is over and the ark has landed Noah lets all the animals out and says Go forth and multiply A few months later Noah decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing Everywhere he looks he finds baby animals Everyone is doing fine except for one pair of little snakes What`s the problem? says Noah Cut down some trees and let us live there say the snakes Noah follows their advice Several more weeks pass Noah checks on the snakes again Lots of little snakes everybody is happy Noah asks Want to tell me how the trees helped? Certainly say the snakes We`re adders so we need logs to multiply
One day a baby camel and its father had a conversation Baby Camel: Dad why do we have humps on our backs? Father Camel: Well son our humps contain the fat necessary to sustain us though all the days when we re out in the desert Baby Camel: Oh okay Dad why do we have long eyelashes? Father Camel: They re to protect our eyes from the sandstorms which rage in the desert Baby Camel: I get it now Dad why do we have big padded feet? Father Camel: Because the sand in the desert is very soft and we need big feet so that we can walk on the sand without sinking Baby Camel: Thanks Dad So what are we doing in London Zoo?
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the cave`s roof to get some sleep Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep but they persisted until he finally gave in OK follow me He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him Down through a valley they went across a river and into a forest of trees Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him Do you see that tree over there? YES YES YES the bats all screamed in a frenzy Well I didn`t
Two asses met in a market; one ass asked the other ‘Why have you become so weak and sullen doesn`t your owner treat you well?’The other ass replied ‘No my owner makes me work throughout the day and does not give me any food He is very cruel ’The first ass said ‘Why don t you leave his house and run away?’The other ass replied: ‘No I shall not leave his house even if he tortures me because my owner s daughter is very pretty Whenever she does any mischief my owner always abuses her saying that One day I will get you married to this donkey I am waiting for that day to come ’
A burglar has just made it into the house he s intending ransacking and he s looking around for stuff to steal All of a sudden a little voice pipes up I can see you and so can Jesus Startled the burglar looks around the room No one there at all so he goes back to his business I can see you and so can Jesus The burglar jumps again and takes a longer look around the room Over in the corner by the window almost obscured by curtains is a cage in which sits a parrot who pipes up again I can see you and so can Jesus So what says the burglar you re only a parrot To which the parrot replies Maybe but Jesus is a rottweile
