A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away At the end of the service the pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket They hear a faint moan They open the casket and find that the woman is actually still alive She lives for ten more years and then dies A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying outthe casket As they are walking the husband cries out WATCH OUT FOR THAT WALL

There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband for example A wife comes home late at night from being out of town and quietly opens the door to her bedroom From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can Once she s done she goes to the kitchen to have a drink As she enters she sees her husband there reading a magazine Hi Darling he says Your parents have come to visit us so l let them stay in our bedroom Did you say Hello to them?

A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant The husband stood up and shrugged saying This doesn t feel so bad The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant the way my wife would do it? the husband asked Exactly replied the instructor To the delight of the other husbands he turned to his wife and said Honey pick up that pen for me

A biologist phones his wife from his office and says Honey something has just come up I realize its not my field season but I have to visit my field site for a week So would you pack my clothes my field equipment and my blue silk pajamas? I ll be home in 1 hour to pick them up A week later he returned Did you have a good trip dear? his wife asked Oh it was just a typical field trip you know work work work he exclaimed and added But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas No I didn t she replied I put them in the box of field equipment

A friend asked a gentleman why he never married? Replied the gentleman Well I guess I just never met the right woman I guess I ve been looking for the perfect girl Oh come on now said the friend Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry Yes there was a girl once I guess she was the one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever met She was just the right everything I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me Well why didn t you marry her asked the friend Unfortunately she was looking for the perfect man

A woman from the deepest most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word She pauses reflects and then says Well then let it read Billy Bob died Amused at the woman s thrift the editor says Sorry ma am there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries Only a little flustered she thinks things over and in a few seconds says In that case let it read Billy Bob died 1983 Pickup for sale

Once a mother-in-law explaining the working of her house to her newly married Daughter-in-law She said I am the home minister as well as the finance minister of this house Your Father in law is the Foreign minister of this house My son that is your husband heads the ministry of demand and supply and my daughter that is your husband s sister runs the planning development ministry Now you tell which ministry would you like to run ????? The daughter -in-law with a smile instantly replied Well dear mother in law I will be running the OPPOSITION

A man walks in a bank gets in line and when it s his turn he pulls out a gun and robs the bank Just to make sure he leaves no witnesses he turns around and asks the next customer in line “Did you see me rob this bank?” The customer replies “Yes ” The bank robber raises his gun points it to the customer s head and BANG - shoots him in the head and kills him He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man “Did You see me rob this bank?” The man calmly responds “No but my wife did ”

The other day it was my turn to prepare dinner so I asked my wife to go over to the local market and buy some organic vegetables She came back rather upset When I asked her what was wrong she said I don t think I like that produce guy I went and looked around for your organic vegetables and I couldn t find any So I asked him where the organic vegetables were He didn t know what I was talking about so I said These vegetables are for my husband Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals? And he said No ma am You ll have to do that yourself

Over breakfast one morning a woman said to her husband I bet you don t know what day this is Of course I do he irritatingly answered going out the door to the office At 11 AM the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door she was handed a bouquet of red roses At 2 PM a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived Later a boutique delivered a designer dress The woman couldn t wait for her husband to come home First the flowers then the chocolates and then the dress she exclaimed I ve never had a more wonderful Children s Day in all my life

After four years of separation a man and his wife finally divorced amicably He wanted to date again but he had no idea of how to start so he decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper After reading through all the listings he circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest but he put off calling them Two days later there was a message on his answering machine from his ex-wife: I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper Don`t call the one in the second column It`s me

After four years of separation a man and his wife finally divorced amicably He wanted to date again but he had no idea of how to start so he decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper After reading through all the listings he circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest but he put off calling them Two days later there was a message on his answering machine from his ex-wife: I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper Don`t call the one in the second column It`s me

Once a newly married couple had a quarrel as a consequence of which all conversation between them stopped Unfortunately the husband was to attend his office very early the next morning So he wrote on a piece of paper Please wake me up at 6 a m tomorrow morning and kept it beside his wife s pillow His wife read it and went to sleep He woke up very late the next morning and got very angry He looked ferociously at his wife but she calmly pointed towards his pillow Under his pillow he found a piece of paper On it was written Please get up it is 6 o clock now

There was an artist who worked from a studio in his home He specialized in nudes and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now His model showed up and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk she began to undress for the day`s work He told her not to bother since he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting He added that he would pay her for the day but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea and then off to bed The model said Oh please let me fix it for you It`s the least I can do

When Steve s power mower broke down his wife Anna kept dropping hints about getting it fixed before the grass got too tall but the message wasn t sinking in and Steve kept putting off the repairs Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point When Steve arrived at home one day he found her sitting in the grass clipping it by hand with a tiny pair of scissors Steve watched silently for a few minutes then went into the house Coming back in a few minutes he handed her a toothbrush When you finish cutting the grass you might as well sweep the sidewalks