The Israeli Ambassador is sitting down with Yassir Arafat to try to work out a peace agreement The Ambassador asks if he might first tell a story Arafat tells him to go ahead The Ambassador begins When Moses was in the desert for 40 years the Jews got very thirsty and Moses asked God for water and there appeared a beautiful lake The Jews first drank and then bathed themselves Moses did the same when it was his turn but when he came out of the water all his clothes were gone Moses shouted `Where are my clothes? Who took them? ` The Jews answered `The Palestinians took them ` Arafat quickly objected by saying that there were no Palestinians at that time he Ambassador looks at Arafat and says

A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new game Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water`s edge Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by and when the pilots turn around and fly back the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match Then the paper reports The pilots fly out to sea and directly back to the penguin colony and overfly it Heads go up up up and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs

More and more baby food is being consumed by adults Ten percent of the production of major German baby food manufacturer is sold to households without children People of all ages and from all walks of life love milk pudding and stewed fruit prepared for babies Since a serving may have only 100 calories many weight-conscious adults choose baby food for a snack Manufacturers cater to the trend by recommending their products for Young and old and by providing recipes that include their products The German Nutrition Society however is not happy about the trend According to its spokeswoman Anette Braun grown-ups do not need such specially prepared foods unless they are sick they should chew their food After all that is why we have teeth

An American delegation on a visit to India were being shown round the capital In the evening they were taken to the Secretariat for a panoramic view of Vijay Chowk and Rajpath Came the closing hour and thousands upon thousands of clerks poured out of their offices The place was crammed with bicycles and pedestrians Who are all these peoples? asked the leader of the American delegation They are the common people of India; the real rulers of the country proudly replied the minister accompanying the visitors A few minutes later came a fleet of flag-bearing limousines escorted by pilots on motorcycles followed by jeeps full of armed policemen And who are these? asked the American These are us replied the minister with the same pride the servants of the people

An American delegation on a visit to India were being shown round the capital In the evening they were taken to the Secretariat for a panoramic view of Vijay Chowk and Rajpath Came the closing hour and thousands upon thousands of clerks poured out of their offices The place was crammed with bicycles and pedestrians Who are all these people? asked the leader of the American delegation They are the common people of India; the real rulers of the country proudly replied the minister accompanying the visitors A few minutes later came a fleet of flag - bearing limousines escorted by pilots on motorcycles followed by jeeps full of armed policemen And who are these? asked the American These are us replied the minister with the same pride the servants of the people

A husband and wife pulled guns on each other and shot it out at church during a marriage counseling session after he arrived late drinking a beer Both were wounded With a beer in one hand and a gun in the other Michael Martin shot his wife as she tried to walk out of the meeting at St James Episcopal Cathedral their counselor said A bleeding Bonnie Martin pulled a pistol from her purse and shot her husband in the shoulder The two took the gunbattle outside where Bonnie Martin collapsed and was fired on again Michael Martin allegedly hit his wife at least once more before he ran out of bullets They were arguing It was your typical domestic dispute Then the fireworks started It`s a good thing that he had been drinking because he could have hit her more said the Rev Bud Searcy He was a lousy shot

Gavin Cole of Dublin got onto a bus with three packets of heroin safely hidden in his pocket You`d have to be a real idot to take the packets out while sitting right there on the bus with everyone else He did this because he`s a bonehead And while this is stupid enough it just happened that the man sitting next to him was an off-duty drug squad officer But wait There`s more So here he is playing with his heroin next to the officer and his cell phone rings And the officer heard the following conversation ``Yeah I have the stuff Meet me at the bus station and bring plenty of money ``But wait There`s more Figuring he could just sit back and relax since he was about to make a big deal he lit up a marijuana cigarette You know the rest Bozo Criminal Of The Day KOOI 106 5- VIA the Bonehead of the Day Awards

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table The first surgeon says I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up everything inside is numbered The second responds Yeah but you should try electricians Everything inside them is color coded The third surgeon says No I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order The fourth surgeon chimes in You know I like construction workers those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed You re all wrong Politicians are the easiest to operate on There s no guts no heart and no spine and the head and butt are interchangeable

New York City - Mohammad Rahman 36 Brooklyn racked up three accidents on his second day on a new job as a new cab driver It all started at 9 a m when cops say he rammed into a parked car Rahman said the car rammed into his cab he even called police to report the accident An hour later Rahman said he paused for a light He got nervous though when the light changed and that cars started to honk while he waited for pedestrians to clear the crosswalk I got confused and my feet just slipped from the brake to the accelerator Rhaman said That`s when he struck a 22-year-old man from New Jersey When police showed up and began converging on his cab Rahman ran into another car Cops said he was leaving the scene but he said he was only trying to park his taxi so it wouldn`t block traffic Rahman is looking for another line of work

An educated woman from Margao city (Panaji Goa (India)) urinated in the office of the sanitary inspector in Margao in protest against dirty public toilets She said she urinated in his chamber in his absence to make him realize that public toilets were overflowing The municipality was not cleaning them though complaints were made to the authorities earlier The incident sparked off reaction amongst women in the state Some welcomed the step because they felt that this was one of the ways to answer male-dominated society and politics Even the Goa Pradesh Congress President Nirmala Sawant appreciated what the woman did to attract the attention of authorities on the eve of the International Women`s Day on Thursday A woman has to protect her self respect Sawant said calling for more toilets in busy areas so that woman did not face hardships

Three dead bodies of Indian politicians turn up at the mortuary all with very big smiles on their faces The medical examiner calls the police to show them what has happened A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first body He was a BJP leader 65 years of age died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress Hence the enormous smile Inspector says the medical examiner The Detective Inspector is taken to the second dead man He was a minister from ruling Congress party was 70 made a pile from government funds and spent it all on whiskey Died of alcohol poisoning hence the smile Nothing unusual here thinks the Inspector and asks to be shown the last body Ah says the medical examiner This is the most unusual one MP from Bihar 60 struck by lightning Why is he smiling then?` inquires the Inspector To which the medical officer replies He thought he was having his picture taken

God decided it was time to end the world so he called together those whom he considered the three most influential people in the world President of USA Barrack Obama Chinese President Xi Jinping and Prime Minister of India Manmohan Singh The world will end God told them You must go and tell the people Obama made a live statement on TV I ve good news and BAD news he said The good news is that we have been right there is a God The bad news is that he is ending the world The second person Xi Jinping sent out a worldwide message I ve bad news and WORSE news he said The bad news is that we have been wrong all along - there is a God The worse news is that he is ending the world Third person Manmohan Singh immediately calls up Sonia Gandhi and says I ve good news and BETTER news The good news is that God thinks I m one of the three most influential people in the world The better news is that we do not have to worry about how to stop Modi or Kejriwal from becoming PM

Travis Bogumill a construction worker in Eau Claire Wis was shot with a nail gun that drove a 3 1/4 inch nail all the way into his skull and the only difference he can see is that he`s not quite the math whiz he used to be A co-worker accidentally bumped his head with the gun and the nail went in so deep that the only thing visible was a small hole in Bogumill`s scalp He remained conscious turned to his co-worker and said You just nailed me in the head Bogumill recalled He said it felt like somebody was smacking my head repeatedly with a hammer Doctors told Bogumill that he shouldn`t have been able to walk or talk after the accident and that they`re baffled why he wasn`t knocked unconscious The nail lodged in an area of the brain typically involved in processing math according to Dr John Lamoureux You could give me two two digit numbers and I could multiply them within seconds in my head But now you give me a piece of paper and multiplying 56 by 23 is still difficult Bogumill said

An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart When the senator invited him home for dinner the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion grounds and the costly furnishings He asked How can you afford all this on a meagre senator s salary? The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window Can you see the river? Yes Can you see the bridge over it? Of course said the minister 10 percent said the senator smugly Some time later he had occasion to pay a return visit The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him When they came to his house the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built glittering with precious art hundreds of servants etc etc How can you possibly afford this on a salary in Indian Rupees he asked The minister called him to the window See the river over there? Sure cried the senator Can you see the bridge over it? The senator looked was confused peered closely and said No I don t see any bridge 100 percent said the ministe

Fire Authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit complete with a dive tank flippers and facemask A post mortem examination revealed that the person died not from burns but from massive internal injuries Dental records provided a positive identification Investigators then set about determining how a fully-clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire It was revealed that on the day of the fire the person went for a diving trip off the coast-some 20 miles away from the forest The firefighters seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible called in a fleet of helicopters with very large buckets The buckets were dropped into the ocean for rapid filling then flown to the forest fire and emptied You guessed it One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific the next he was doing a breaststroke in a fire bucket 300 feet in the air Apparently he extinguished exactly 5`10 of the fire