Needing some clothes cleaned in a hurry a man searched ths small Georgia town in which he was visiting until he found a sign which read: Cleaning and Pressing 24-Hour Service After explaining his needs he said I ll be back for my suit tomorrow Won t be ready till Saturday replied the proprietor But I thought you had 24-hour service the customer protested We do son the proprietor said reproachfully But we only work eight hours a day Today s Thursday - eight hours today eight hours Friday eight on Saturday That s 24-hour service

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level He noticed a guy at the same depth but with no scuba gear whatsoever The diver went below another 20 feet and the guy joined him a few minutes later The diver went below 25 feet and minutes later the same guy joined him This confused the diver so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set and wrote How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment? The guy took the board and chalk erased what the diver had written and wrote I`m drowning you moron

हिंदी भी अजीब भाषा है घडी बिगड़ जाये तो कहते है बंद है
और लड़की बिगड़ जाये तो कहते है:- चालू है

The boss called one of his employees into the office Joe he said you ve been with the company for a year You started off in the post room one week later you were promoted to a sales position and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department Just four months later you were promoted to vice- chairman Now it s time for me to retire and I want you to take over the company What do you say to that? Thanks said Joe Thanks? the boss replied a Is that all you can say? I suppose not Joe said Thanks Dad

In a dark and hazy room peering into a crystal ball the Mystic delivered grave news: There s no easy way to tell you this so I ll just be blunt Prepare yourself to be a widow Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year Visibly shaken the wife stared at the woman s lined face then at the single flickering candle then down at her hands She took a few deep breaths to compose herself - and to stop her mind racing She simply had to know She met the Fortune Teller s gaze steadied her voice and asked Will I be acquitted?

Two privates were handed shovels and told to bury a large dead animal While digging they got into an argument about what they were burying This here s a big mule This ain t no mule this here s a donkey Mule Donkey Well this went on for a while until the camp priest came by What are you boys doing? We re diggin a grave for this mule Donkey dammit The chaplain cut in Boys this isn t either one it s an ass An hour later the camp commander came up and said What are you men doing digging a foxhole? No sir We re digging an asshole

A Swiss guy looking for directions pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting Entschuldigung koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen? he asks The two Americans just stare at him Excusez-moi parlez vous Francais? he tries The two continue to stare Parlare Italiano? No response Hablan ustedes Espanol? Still nothing The Swiss guy drives off extremely disgusted The first American turns to the second and says Y know maybe we should learn a foreign language Why? says the other That guy knew four languages and it didn t do him any good

Who says India is not progressing? It is making strides in every craft In agriculture in industry in science and technology Above all in corruption and in graft There are scams after scams now In every state and every department You will find a stinking pot Lying hidden in each compartment The bara sahib and the baba are easily bought by the lala The mantri and santri both treat the criminal as their sala The rate of corruption has also risen From five to five thousand; I bet not to say of lower staff IAS and IPS are in the CBI net

In an airport boarding area they announced that the flight was overbooked The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats In exchange they d give you a 100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter announced: If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who d like to volunteer please step forward

A flight attendant on an Airline s cross-country flight nervously announced about 30 minutes outbound from Chandigarh I don t know how this happened but we have 110 passengers on board and only 40 dinners When the passengers muttering had died down she continued Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so that someone else can eat will receive free unlimited hard drinks during the entire journey in the flight Her next announcement came an hour and a half later If anyone wants to change his/her mind we still have 35 dinners available

A Nano breaks down on a roadside A BMW stops to help the driver I will tow you to the next service station but if I drive too fast please flash your lights They start up slowly but only a km or so down the line a Porsche speeds past 150km/h The BMW driver totally forgets about the nano guns it after the Porsche Just as all 3 of them tear through a speed trap the cop radios the HQ: Calling all stations You won t believe this I just saw a BMW a Porsche racing past at about 190 km/h with a Nano behind them flashing its lights to Overtake

This is dedicated to all of us who are seniors to all of you who know seniors and to all of you who will eventually become seniors WHERE is my SUNDAY paper? the irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was Madam said the newspaper employee today is Saturday The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow on SUNDAY There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter Well shit that explains why no one was at church eithe

During Terrorism days in Punjab a terrorist before his daring escape from prison had been photographed from four different angles The Punjab Police sent copies of the pictures to police chiefs all across the different police districts with orders to notify the headquarter the moment an arrest was made The pictures were duly circulated in different police stations The next day the the headquarter received a wireless from the ambitious Police Inspector of a remote Police Station: PICTURES RECEIVED ALL FOUR SHOT DEAD WHILE RESISTING ARREST

An off-duty police officer familiar with radar guns drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off taking a picture of his license plate The officer thinking the radar was in error drove by again even more slowly Another flash He did it again for a third time at an even slower speed Same result This guy must have screwed up the settings the off-duty officer thought A few weeks later when he received the violations in the mail he discovered three traffic tickets-each for not wearing a seat belt

A new business was opening and one of the owner s friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card Rest in Peace The owner was angry and called the florist to complain After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was the florist replied Sir I m really sorry for the mistake but rather than getting angry you should imagine this somewhere there is a funeral taking place today and they have flowers with a note saying Congratulation on your new location