Dear Husband: I m writing you this letter to tell you that I m leaving you for good I ve been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it These last two weeks have been hell Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw Last week you came home and didn t notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee You came home and ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep after watching the game You don t tell me you love me anymore you don t touch me or anything You’re cheating or you don t love me anymore what ever the case is I m gone P S If you re trying to find me don t Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together Have a great life Your Ex-Wife Dear Ex-Wife: Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter It s true that you and I have been married for seven years although a good woman is a far cry from what you ve been I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging Too bad that doesn t work I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week the first thing that came to mind was You look just like a man My mother raised me to not say anything if you can t say anything nice When you cooked my favorite meal you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER because I stopped eating pork seven years ago I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was 49 99 After all of this I still loved you and felt that we could work it out So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone Everything happens for a reason I guess I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote you won t get a dime from me So take care P S I don t know if I ever told you this but Carl my brother was born Carla I hope that s not a problem Signed: Rich and Free

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