Wife is busy packing her clothes Man: And where are you going? Wife: I m moving to my mother Husband also starts packing Wife: And where do you think your going? Husband: I m also moving to my mother Wife: And what about the kids? Husband: Well if you are moving to your mother and I m moving to my mother then I guess they must also move to their mothe

When a Woman Loves When a woman loves you you are a husband When a few women love you you are a man When many women love you you are a lover When hundreds of women love you you are an idol When thousands of women love you you are a leader But When all the women in the world love you you are not human You are a diamond gold a rupee a dollar a euro or a yen

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap After she woke up she told her husband I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine s day What do you think it means? You ll know tonight he said That evening the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife Delighted she opened it--only to find a book entitled: The meaning of dreams

A husband and wife were involved in an argument both of them unwilling to admit that they might be wrong I ll admit I was wrong the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt at straightening things out If you ll admit that I m right He agreed and like gentlemen do he let her go first I m wrong she said With a twinkle in his eyes he said You re right

When a physician remarked on a new patient s extraordinarily ruddy complexion he said High blood pressure Doc It comes from my family Your mother s side or your father s? the doctor asked Neither he replied It s from my wife s family Oh come now the doctor said How could your wife s family give you high blood pressure? He sighed You oughta meet em sometime Doc

The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work I have great news for you Pretty soon we re going to be three in this house instead of two The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said Oh darling I m the happiest man in the world I m glad that you feel that way because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us she replied

A Pole an Italian and a Jew all first-time fathers are pacing nervously in the maternity ward waiting room when a nurse rushes out of the delivery room holding a black baby Is it yours? she asks the Italian Certainly not he retorts Yours? she asks the Pole who vigorously denies paternity How about you? she asks the Jew Maybe he says glumly My wife burns everything

One day a woman went to her doctor for her physical After all of the routine checks and female exam she was given great results Very happy and excited she went home to meet her husband How did it go? he asked Wonderful she said the doctor said I have a tight package Did he say anything about your BIG ASS? Nope he didn t mention YOUR name the whole time I was there

During a Coffee Break two men were talking My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market garden said the first man So were you able to find some? the second man asked Well when I got to the market I asked the gardener These vegetables are for my wife Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals? The gardener said No you ll have to do that yourself

A woman who plays cards once a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke her husband when she came home around 11:30 PM One night she decided to try not to rouse him She undressed in the living room and purse over arm tiptoed nude into the bedroom - only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading Now what? he exclaimed Did you lose everything?

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work I have great news for you Pretty soon we re going to be three in this house instead of two Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said I m glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work I have great news for you Pretty soon we re going to be three in this house instead of two Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said I m glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us

Susan told the insurance company We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money The agent replied Whoa there just a minute Susan Insurance doesn`t work quite like that We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth There was a long pause before Susan replied Then I`d like to cancel the policy on my husband

Mona and Julia are old friends They have both been married to their husbands for a long time; Shifrah is upset because she thinks her husband doesn`t find her attractive anymore As I get older he doesn`t bother to look at me Julia cries I`m so sorry for you as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day replies Mona Yes but your husband`s an antique deale

While shopping for vacation clothes my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit so I sought my husband s advice What do you think? I asked Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one? Better get a bikini he replied You d never get it all in one He s still in intensive care