They made an engaging looking couple in the swank restaurant: The man was handsome graying and obviously well off; the woman was a joy to any eye - very young ravishing and delectable As they each read their menus the gentleman asked his date what she would like to eat She scanned the menu yet again and said To begin I ll have two champagne cocktails then a dozen oysters on the half shell and a tureen of turtle soup As entrees I ll have the filet of English sole followed by pheasant under glass plus an a la carte order of asparagus tips For dessert just bring the cart Somewhat surprised not only by her appetite but by the cost of all of this he asked Tell me Do you eat this well at home too? Well no she admitted But no one at home wants to sleep with me

They made an engaging looking couple in the swank restaurant: The man was handsome graying and obviously well off; the woman was a joy to any eye - very young ravishing and delectable As they each read their menus the gentleman asked his date what she would like to eat She scanned the menu yet again and said To begin I ll have two champagne cocktails then a dozen oysters on the half shell and a tureen of turtle soup As entrees I ll have the filet of English sole followed by pheasant under glass plus an a la carte order of asparagus tips For dessert just bring the cart Somewhat surprised not only by her appetite but by the cost of all of this he asked Tell me Do you eat this well at home too? Well no she admitted But no one at home wants to sleep with me

John is down on his luck in Las Vegas He has gambled away all his money and has to borrow a dime from another gambler just to use the men s room The stall happens to be open and he uses the dime in a slot machine and hits the jackpot He takes his winnings and goes to the blackjack table and turns his small winnings into a million dollars Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams John goes on the lecture circuit where he tells his incredible story He tells his audiences that he is eternally grateful to his benefactor and if he ever finds the man he will share his fortune with him After months of speaking a man in the audience jumps up and says I m that man I was the one who gave you the dime You aren t the one I m looking for I mean the guy who left the door open

The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada just yards away from the North Dakota border Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations Mrs Michaels who had jurt celebrated her ninetieth birthday lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren One day her son came into her room holding a letter I just got some news Mom he said The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington They ve decided that our land is really part of the United States We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement What do you think? What do I think? his mother said Jump at it Call them right now and tell them we accept I don t think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters

The staff at the office where my wife works was hosting a farewell luncheon for a retiring colleague As the group prepared to go to the restaurant they found that they couldn t fit the giant balloon they had purchased for the guest of honor into the car Determined to bring it along they simply held the balloon out the window as they drove to the luncheon location However they weren t prepared for the glares and dirty looks they were getting from pedestrians and adjoining cars at every intersection As the long line of traffic in front of their vehicle began to turn they discovered that their car was right behind a long funeral procession There was really nothing they could do but hold on to the balloon with its large farewell message: GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair plopped it on top of his desk and wrote on the board: Using everything we have learned this semester prove that this chair does not exist Fingers flew erasers erased notebooks were filled in furious fashion Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair One member of the class however was up and finished in less than a minute A week later when the grades were posted the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all His answer consisted of two words: What chair?

Bubba liked to frequent the old swimming hole but was never able to attract the girls He decided to ask his friend Billy for advice It s those big baggy swimming trunks that make you look like an old fool They re years outta style Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos about two sizes too little and drop a fist-sized potato down inside them I m telling ya man you ll have all the babes you want The following weekend Bubba hits the swimming hole with his spanking new tight Speedos and his fist-sized potato Everybody at the swimming hole was disgusted as he walked by covering their faces turning away laughing looking sick Bubba went back to his buddy Billy and asked him What s wrong now? Lard-Almighty Bubba said Billy the potatoe goes in the front

A couple trying to break into society hosted a dinner party As the guests were enjoying their dinner salad the maid called the hostess from the table The maid informed her that the cat had climbed on the kitchen table and eaten a large portion of the salmon s mid- section The hostess decided to fill the eaten portion with some canned salmon and other camouflage As the guests were enjoying the fish the maid called the hostess into the kitchen and announced while wringing her hands Madam the cat is dead The hostess and her husband informed the guests and suggested it might be best if everyone went to the hospital and had their stomachs pumped Returning home the couple asked the maid where she had put the cat It is still out on the road where the car ran over it

It all started with CID then came RAJiNIKANTH next was ALOKNATH Now It s Arvind Kejriwal Kejriwal is so honest that no woman has ever asked him Do I look fat? Kejriwal is so honest that when he throws a party he calls the cops at 10 pm Kejriwal is so honest that he actually tests the level of salt in colgate Kejriwal is so honest that he never skips youtube ads Kejriwal is so honest that he always removes USB safely Kejriwal is so honest that when he finds the bomb he returns it to the terrorist Kejriwal is so honest that he got his wife s brother arrested for stealing his shoes during his marriage ceremony Kejriwal is so honest that he cooks maggie only for 2 minutes Kejriwal is so honest that he actually Rolls On The Floor laughing when he texts ROF

A bloke is driving around in the Australian bush and because it`s Australia his truck has got a `roo bar` on the front that protects it if he hits a kangaroo Suddenly he hits something so he gets out and sees that there`s a pig wedged between his `roo bar` and his truck He tries to get it out but it`s stuck tight so he gets on his CB radio and asks for advice `Breaker breaker I`ve got a pig stuck behind my `roo bar How can I get it out?` A reply comes back `Just slice open the pig and let the guts spill out The pig will fall out ` So the guy does this and as predicted the pig falls straight out `OK I`ve cut open the pig and it`s out but now I`ve got another problem ` `What is it now?` says the bloke on the radio `What do I do with his motorcycle and helmet?`

A guest in a posh hotel comes down to breakfast and called over the head waiter and read from the menu “I`d like two boiled eggs one of them so under cooked that it’s runny and one so over cooked that it’s tough and hard to eat I’d also like grilled bacon that has been left out so it gets a bit on the cold side; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze so that it s impossible to spread; and a pot of very weak coffee lukewarm That’s a complicated order sir” said the bewildered waiter “It might be quite difficult ” The guest replied sarcastically “It can’t be that difficult because that’s exactly what you brought me yesterday ”

Driving into the city this morning on the Interstate I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new red Mustang doing 75 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on eyeliner I looked away for a couple seconds shaking my head in disbelief and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane still working on her darn makeup Well it scared me so bad that I dropped my electric shaver which knocked the doughnut right out of my other hand In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car out using my knees against the steering wheel I knocked my cell phone away from my other ear which fell into the coffee mug between my legs and making me scream in pain and DISCONNECTING A VERY IMPORTANT CALL DANG CRAZY WOMEN DRIVERS

As the airliner pushed back from the gate the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts etc Finally she said Now sit back and enjoy your trip while our captain Rachel Cole and crew take you safely to your destination Tim sitting in the 8th row thought to himself Did I hear her right; is the captain a woman? I think I better have a scotch and soda When the attendants came by with the drink cart he said Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman? Yes said the attendant In fact this entire crew is female My God said Tim I d better have two scotch and sodas I don t know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit That s another thing said the attendant we no longer call it the cockpit Now it s the BOX OFFICE

A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance The disturbance turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds What s more he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too Said the policeman; I ll bet that you re also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini The giant nodded If I had some chains the deputy continued you could show us how strong you really are But all I ve got is a set of handcuffs Why don t you see just how quickly you can break out of them? Once in the cuffs the man puffed pulled and jerked for four minutes I can t get out of these the giant growled Are you sure? the deputy asked The fellow tried again Nope he replied I can t do it In that case said the deputy you re under arrest

1 Kareena has dandruff problem Katrina has dry hair problem Shilpa has hairfall problem and Priyanka has chip-chip 2 If you ve a hot wife make sure your neighbor doesn t use a deodorant in your absence 3 Your complexion is more important than your qualifications 4 Saif Ali Khan din bhar Appy Fizz Lays khata hai and still Bade Aaram Se FIT rehta hai 5 If there is no salt in your kitchen you can use Toothpaste 6 You can change your country by drinking Tata Tea 7 Every second oral care brand is No 1 and recommended by every dentist in India 8 If your daughter is not Ready to Get married take her to a jewellery shop 9 Only reason why men use deodorant is to get girls 10 Most colas cure all kinds of phobias You will be close to a superman if you drink these regularly