A resident in a posh hotel breakfast room called over the headwaiter one morning and said with a wonderful and cheerful smile Good Morning Sir the Headwaiter says What a wonderful morning I`d like two boiled eggs one of them so under cooked it`s runny and the other so over cooked it s tough and hard to eat Also grilled bacon that has been left out so it gets a bit on the cold side; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze so that it s impossible to spread; and a pot of very weak coffee lukewarm That`s a complicated order Sir said the bewildered waiter It might be quite difficult The guest replied Oh? I don t understand what is the problem in that that`s what I got yesterday

This salesman selling vacuum cleaners is going from door to door trying to flog them to unsuspecting housewives He goes to this new estate hoping to have some luck there Carrying his cleaner up to the door and holding a bunch of goodies in his other hand he knocks on the door Excuse me madam meanwhile pushing his way in the door He quickly empties the goodies he has all over the lady`s plush new wool carpet including shit gravel dirt and an array of other crap Then he pronounces: The cleaners that I am about to sell you here are so good that if it doesn`t clean that crap off your carpet I vow that I will eat it The lady furious with the mess replies Well you stupid salesman would you like sauce with that because we haven`t got the power on yet

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed to make serving drinks more efficient A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him What s your IQ? The man replied 140 So the robot proceeded to make conversation about string theory and the latest cancer research The man listened intently and thought This is absolutely great Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him What s your IQ? The man responded 120 So the robot started talking about the controversies surrounding creationism and the abortion argument The man thought to himself Wow this is fantastic A third guy came in to the bar As with the others the robot asked him What s your IQ? The man replied 45 The robot then said So how are things in Bihar these days?

A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut through a graveyard It is raining heavily and very dark The drunk fails to see an open grave and falls into it He tries to climb out of it but it is too deep and the rain has turned the dirt to mud and has made it too slippery to climb He gives up after a while and decides to spend the night there A while later another drunk leaves the same bar and decides to take the same shortcut through the graveyard He too falls into that open grave and tries to climb out but the mud is too slippery The first drunk is still sitting there and watches as the other drunk tries but fails to get out The first drunk stands up taps the second drunk on the shoulder and tells him You ll never get out But he did

आज पीने के बाद तो हद ही हो गई यारों होटल समझ क़र अदालत में चले गए
सामने बेठा जजः बोला ऑडर ऑडर हमने भी बोल दिया एक सलाद और दो क्वार्टर

Two cannibals a father and son were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path Before long along came this little old man The son said Ooh dad there`s one No said the father There`s not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs We`ll just wait Well a little while later along came this really fat man The son said Hey dad he`s plenty big enough No the father said We`d all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one We`ll just wait About an hour later here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman The son said Now there`s nothing wrong with that one dad Let`s eat her No said the father We`ll not eat her either Why not? Because we`re going to take her back alive and eat your mothe

A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned they struck up a conversation The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country I ve had a pretty good life the twenty proclaimed Why I ve been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City the finest restaurants in New York performances on Broadway and even a cruise to the Caribbean Wow said the one-dollar bill You ve really had an exciting life So tell me says the twenty Where have you been throughout your lifetime? The one dollar bill replies Oh I ve been to the Methodist Church the Baptist Church the Lutheran Church The twenty-dollar bill interrupts What s a church?

यदि आप सोचते हैं कि
काश !
आपकी शादी आपकी साली से हुई होती तो अच्छा होता
तो यकीन मानिये
आपके साढ़ू भी बिल्कुल ऐसा ही सोचते हैं 😜

A young couple was touring southern Florida on their honeymoon and stopped at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road After seeing the sights they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes Wow exclaimed the new bride You certainly have a dangerous job Do you ever get bitten? Yes upon rare occasions answered the handler Well she continued just what do you do when you re bitten by a snake? I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket and as soon as I am bitten I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound What uh what would happen if you were to accidentally sit on a rattler? persisted the woman Ma am answered the snake handler that will be the day I learn who my real friends are

डॉक्टर कहता है सुबह जल्दी उठो उम्र बढती है
मुर्गा सुबह जल्दी उठा है और शाम को शहीद हो जाता है
वहम से बचो आराम से उठो जनहित में जारी

The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake He didn t bring his swimming outfit but who cared? He was all alone So he undressed and got into the water After some delightful minutes of cool swimming a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction He panicked got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby He held the bucket in front of his private area and sighed with relief The ladies got nearby and looked at him He felt awkward and wanted to move Then one of the ladies said You know I have a special gift I can read minds Impossible said the embarrassed man You really know what I think? Yes the lady replied Right now I bet you think that the bucket you re holding has a bottom

उस समय तो शी जिनपिंग की आँखे ही बड़ी हो गयी
जब मोदी जी ने बोला सब बाते तो ठीक है बस आपके यहाँ से आने वाली मोबाइल की बैटरी बहुत कम चलती है

A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drover furrier Show the lady your finest mink the fellow exclaims So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat As the lady tries it on the furrier goes up to the guy and discreetly whispers Ah sir that particular fur goes for 65 000 No problem I will write you a check Very good sir Says the shop owner Today is Saturday You may come by on Monday to pick it up after the check has cleared So the man and the woman leave On Monday the fellow returns The storeowner is outraged: How dare you show your face in here? There was not a single penny in your checking account I just had to come by grinned the guy to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life

After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license The fisherman says to the warden I did not catch these lobsters they are my pets Everyday I come down to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day The warden not believing him reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license The fisherman turns to the warden and says If you don t believe me then watch as he throws the lobsters back into the water The warden says Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water The fisherman turns to the warden and says What lobsters?

एक ही प्रश्न के दो जवाब...
(1)
माँ : जा रेड लेबल ले के आ।
बेटा : आधा किलो या एक किलो???
(2)
पापा : जा रेड लेबल ले के आ।
बेटा : क्वार्टर या हाफ...😝