A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 60 miles per hour The wife is behind the wheel Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice I know we ve been married for twenty years but I want a divorce The wife says nothing keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 65 mph The husband speaks again I don t want you to try and talk me out of it he says because I ve been having an affair with your best friend and she s a far better lover than you are Again the wife stays quiet But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 75 He pushes his luck I want the house he says insistently Up to 80 I want the car too he continues 85 mph And he says I ll have the bank accounts all the credit cards and the boat The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge This makes him nervous so he asks her Isn t there anything you want? The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice No I ve got everything I need she says Oh really he inquires so what have you got? Just before they slam into the wall at 85 mph the wife turns to him and smiles The airbag

There was a man who had worked all his life saved all his money and was a real miser Just before he died he said to his wife When I die I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me I want to take my money to the afterlife with me And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died she would put all his money in the casket with him Well he died He was stretched out in the casket his wife was sitting there in black and her friend was sitting next to her When they finished the ceremony just before they were ready to close the casket the wife say Wait a minute She had a box with her and she came over with the box and put it in the casket The undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away Her friend said Girl I know you weren t fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband? The loyal wife replied Listen I m a Christian I can t go back on my word I promised him that I was going to put the money in with him You mean to tell me that you put all that money in the casket I sure did said the wife I got it all together put it into my account and wrote a cheque if he can cash it he can spend it

पत्नी पति से: आज दिन में पता है ये दीवार घड़ी अचानक ही दीवार से गिर गयी और इसके गिरने के बस एक सैकिंड पहले अगर माँ वहां से न उठती तो उनका सिर बुरी तरह से जख्मी हो जाता! पति: हे भगवान..... . . .. ये घड़ी हमेशा ही धीरे चलती है!

We ve all heard of the US Air Force`s high-security super-secret base in Nevada known simply as Area 51? Late one afternoon the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their secret base They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room The pilot`s story was that he took off from Las Vegas got lost and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation By the next day they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn`t a spy They gassed up his airplane gave him a terrifying you-did-not-see-a-base briefing complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison told him Las Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading and sent him on his way The next day to the total disbelief of the Air Force the same Cessna showed up again Once again the MP`s surrounded the plane only this time there were two people in the plane The same pilot jumped out and said Do anything you want to me but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother who immediately demanded an inspection of the place The Farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law hoping that it could be a friendly non-antagonistic relationship To no avail she kept nagging them at every opportunity demanding changes offering unwanted advice and making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride While they were walking through the barn the farmer`s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head killing her instantly At the funeral service a few days later the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer he would nod his head yes and say something Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer however he would shake his head nod and mumble a reply Very curious as to this bizarre behavior the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about The farmer replied The women would say What a terrible tragedy and I would nod my head and say Yes it was The men would ask Can I borrow that mule? and I would shake my head and say Can t It s all booked up for a yea

An elderly man lay dying in his bed In death`s agony he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed Leaning against the wall he slowly made his way out of the bedroom and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs gripping the railing with both hands With labored breath he leaned against the door frame gazing into the kitchen Were it not for death`s agony he would have thought himself already in heaven: there spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort he threw himself toward the table landing on his knees in a rumpled posture His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life The aged and withered hand shockingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife Stay out of those she said they`re for the funeral

एक पार्टी में एक औरत ने वेटर को आवाज़ लगाईं और उससे पूछा अरे भईया सुनो वह सुन्दर सी लड़की किधर गई जो शराब बांटती फिर रही थी? वेटर: जी उसका तो पता नहीं पर क्या आपको शराब की तलाश है? महिला: नहीं मुझे अपने पति की तलाश है।

An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired Holding hands they walked back to their old school It was not locked so they entered and found the old desk they d shared where Joe had carved: I love you Nancy On their way back home a bag of money fell out of an armored car practically landing at their feet Nancy quickly picked it up but not sure what to do with it they took it home There she counted the money--one million bucks Joe said We ve got to give it back Nancy said Finders keepers She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic The next day two Inspectors were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money and knocked on the door Pardon me but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday? Nancy said No Joe said She s lying She hid it up in the attic Nancy said Don t believe him he s getting senile The agents turn to Joe and began to question him One says Tell us the story from the beginning Joe said Well when Nancy and I were walking home from school yesterday The first Inspector turns to his partner and says We re outta here

A married couple is driving along the highway doing a steady fourty miles per hour The wife is behind the wheel Her husband abruptly looks across at her speaking in a clear voice and says Darling I know we ve been married for twenty years but I want a divorce The wife says nothing keeping her eyes on the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph The husband speaks again saying this time I don t want you to try and talk me out of it because I ve been having an affair with your best friend and she s a far better lover than you Again the wife stays quiet but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55 He pushes his luck I want the house he demands Up to 65 mph I want the car too he continues Up to 75 mph And he says I ll have the bank accounts all the credit cards the boat and our dog The car slowly begins veering towards a massive concrete bridge This makes him a wee bit nervous so he asks her Isn t there anything you want? At last the wife replies - in a quiet and controlled voice No I ve got everything I need she says Oh really? he inquires So what exactly have you got? Just before they slam into the wall at 80 mph the wife turns to him and smiles The airbag

एक बार एक आदमी एक साधू के पास जाता है और कहता है मैं मेरी से बीवी बहुत परेशान हूँ कृपा कर के कोई उपाय बताइए! यह सुन साधू को गुस्सा आ जाता है और वह उस आदमी से कहता है मूर्ख अगर मेरे पास कोई उपाय होता तो मैं साधू क्यों बनता!

This old man and old woman (husband and wife) die and go to heaven There St Peter gives them the grand tour of their new home It s a HUGE mansion with a limo driver gardener etc The old man exclaims That s ours? St Peter says Yes it is yours forever and ever The old man is a little suspicious and says How much is the rent? St Peter says It is free After all this is heaven Across the street is an expansive golf course with beautifully manicured lawn interesting layout and fun golf carts St Peter says You can play here whenever you want The old man says What are the green fees? St Peter replies None After all this is heaven The old man is very impressed They go inside the house and on the dining room table is a gigantic feast with roasted meats desserts fine wine and all the fixings The old man says How many calories? St Peter says None After all this is heaven The old man gets a look on his face like he suddenly understands what heaven is all about Then the old man suddenly turns and slaps the old woman yelling You stupid witch If it weren t for your damn bran muffins and tofu and other health food not to mention making me give up booze and cigarettes and take exercise every day we could have been here YEARS ago

सफर में एक यात्री ने उत्सुक्तावश ड्राइवर से पूछा आप बस में कितने घंटे रहते हैं? ड्राइवर: चौबीस घंटे। यात्री ने हैरानी से यह कैसे संभव है? ड्राइवर फट से बोला भाई साहब आठ घंटे सरकार की बस में और सोलह घंटे पत्नी के बस में।

There was a man who had worked all of his life had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money Just before he died he said to his wife When I die I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me I want to take my money to the +after-life+ with me And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died she would put all of the money in the casket with him Well he died He was stretched out in the casket his wife was sitting there in black and her friend was sitting next to her When they finished the ceremony just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket the wife said Wait just a minute She had a box with her she came over with the box and put it in the casket Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away Her friend said I know you weren t fool enough to put all that money in there in the casket with your husband The loyal wife replied Listen I can t go back on my word I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him ? I sure did said the wife I got it all together put it into my account and wrote him a cheque If he can cash it he can spend it

Jayme and Bob have been back from their honeymoon for two weeks when Bob came home from work saying he d invited four friends from the office home for dinner on Friday Jayme is a bit apprehensive as she asks if she must cook a meal for them all Bob explains that there will actually be eight coming as each has a spouse or date Since this is her first party he consoles her by saying that all she has to do is get some Chinese food in and perhaps she can bake a cake This sounds like a good idea and they sit down and decide what Chinese food to get Friday morning wife calls the office in tears She explains that the only cake recipe she has will only feed six Hubby says why don t you just double the recipe? She decides that is a good idea At four hubby gets another phone call -- this time quite frantic I just can t do it wifely weeps It s impossible Now now what s the matter? Well their recipe calls for two eggs So you use FOUR eggs Don t you have them? Yes -- then it needs 4 cups of flour Well Bob says rather testily you will have to use 8 cups of flour -- what is the problem? It isn t the ingredients Jayme cries it says that the cake must be baked at 350 degrees and I have checked the oven and I can t turn the heat up to 700 degrees

It was Saturday morning as Steve an avid hunter woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and to his surprise he finds his wife Alice sitting there fully dressed in camouflage Steve asks her: What are you up to? Alice smiles: I`m going hunting with you Steve though he had many reservations about this reluctantly decides to take her along Later they arrive at the hunting site Steve sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: If you see a deer take careful aim on it and I`ll come running back as soon as I hear the shot Steve walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn`t bag an elephant--much less a deer Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots Quickly Steve starts running back As he gets closer to her stand he hears Alice screaming: Get away from my deer Confused Steve races faster towards his screaming wife And again he hears her yell: Get away from my deer followed by another volley of gunfire Now within sight of where he had left his wife Steve is surprised to see a cowboy with his hands high in the air The cowboy obviously distraught says: Okay lady okay You can have your deer Just let me get my saddle off it