One of the women Mrs Smith for over a year could never carry the water and would always hit into it totally psyched out by the presence of the water Her friend in the group suggested that she might want to see a hypnotherapist to overcome her anxiety near the water So the woman went to a hypnotherapist for four sessions In those sessions the woman was hypnotized and the therapist would plant suggestions that when playing the second shot on the sixth hole she would not see water but rather a plush green fairway leading all the way up to the green About six months later a woman at the club asked whatever happened to Mrs Smith that she hadn`t seen her playing golf at the club for almost four months now She was informed that five months earlier Mrs Smith had drowned at the par four sixth

A young man who was an avid golfer had a few hours to spare He figured that if he played quickly he could squeeze in nine holes before heading home Just as he was about to tee-off an elderly gentleman asked if he could accompany him as he too was playing alone The young man agreed When they finally reached the ninth fairway the young man had a tough shot-there was a large pine tree directly between his ball and the green He was considering how to hit the shot when the other man said When I was your age I`d hit the ball right over that tree Accepting the challenge the younger man swung hard and hit the ball smack into the top of the tree trunk It thudded back on the ground not far from where it originally lay Of course the elderly man continued when I was your age that pine tree was only a meter tall

After a particularly poor game of golf a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car a policeman stopped him and asked Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago? Yes the golfer responded Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course? Yes I did How did you know? he asked Well said the policeman very seriously Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver s windshield The car went out of control crashing into five other cars and a fire truck The fire truck couldn t make it to the fire and the building burned down So what are you going to do about it? The golfer thought it over carefully and responded I think I ll close my stance a little bit tighten my grip and lower my right thum

After a particularly poor game of golf a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car a policeman stopped him and asked Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago? Yes the golfer responded Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course? Yes I did How did you know? he asked Well said the policeman very seriously Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver`s windshield The car went out of control crashing into five other cars and a fire truck The fire truck couldn`t make it to the fire and the building burned down So what are you going to do about it? The golfer thought it over carefully and responded I think I`ll close my stance a little bit tighten my grip and lower my right thum

A golfer playing a round by himself is about to tee off and a greasy little salesman runs up to him and yells Wait Before you tee off I have something really amazing to show you The golfer annoyed says What is it? It`s a special golf ball says the salesman You can never lose it Whattaya mean scoffs the golfer you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water? No problem says the salesman It floats and it detects where the shore is and spins towards it Well what if you hit it into the woods? Easy says the salesman It emits a beeping sound and you can find it with your eyes closed Okay says the golfer impressed But what if your round goes late and it gets dark? No problem sir this golf ball glows in the dark I`m telling you you can never lose this golf ball The golfer buys it at once Just one question he says to the salesman Where did you get it? I found it

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Yankees fan She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Yankees fans Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl Theteacher looks at the girl with surprise and says Janie why didn`t you raise your hand? Because I`m not a Yankees fan she replied The teacher still shocked asked Well if you are not a Yankees fan then who are you a fan of? I am a Red Sox fan and proud of it Janie replied The teacher could not believe her ears Janie why pray tell are you a Red Sox fan? Because my mom is a Red Sox fan and my dad is Red Sox fan so I m a Red Sox fan too Well said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone That is no reason for you to be a Red Sox fan You don`t have to be just like your parents all of the time What if your mom were a moron and your dad were a moron what would you be then? Then Janie smiled I`d be a Yankees fan

A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school s soccer team to an away game They stop for a rest break and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner explaining to another patron how it is that blind kids can play soccer We made a special ball with a bell in it so the kids can keep track of where the ball is and what it s doing by listening for it They re pretty good at it too Very clever remarks the other patron Just then they are interrupted as another patron who is looking out the window says Hey Are you the guy with those damn blind kids from the bus? Yes says the teacher stung by the way his kids are being referred to what about it? You got something against blind kids? Nothing ordinarily says the guy still scowling out the window but you better get them rounded up quick They re kicking the hell out of my best milk cow

Joe and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Joe paused looked down the fairway and began to sob uncontrollably The other three gathered around him and asked Whats wrong? Joe looked down at his feet sniffed and dried his eyes some then apologized for his emotional outburst I m sorry I always get emotional at this hole - it holds very difficult memories for me One of his buddies asked What happened? What could have gotten you so upset? Joe stared silently off in the distance then said in a low voice This is where my wife and I were playing 12 years ago when she suddenly died of a heart attack; right at this very hole Oh my God the other golfers said That must have been horrible Horrible? You think it s horrible? Joe cried in disbelief It was worse than that Every hole for the rest of the day all the way back to the clubhouse it was hit the ball drag Alice hit the ball drag Alice

A Pastor a Doctor and an Engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers The engineer fumed What`s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes The doctor chimed in I don’t know but I’ve never seen such inaptitude The pastor said Hey here comes the greens keeper Let’s have a word with him [dramatic pause] Hi George Say what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow aren’t they? The greens keeper replied Oh yes that’s a group of blind firefighters They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year so we always let them play for free anytime The group was silent for a moment The pastor said That s so sad I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight The doctor said Good idea And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them The engineer said Why can’t these guys play at night?

Afridi to Misbah: So shall I play my original game ya Tik Ke Khelun??? Misbah: Sohail played really well It was not our day Afridi: Kya Bakwaas Hai Ye??? Misbah: Oye Gussa Na Kar Bhai Preparing for Presentation Ceremony Positive Attitude: In Changing Room Pakistani players: Ye Mat Dekho Ki Hum Haar Gaye Ye Dekho Ke Batting Karne Ka Chance Hum Sab Ko Mila Meanwhile Nawaz Sharif is ready to file a complaint to UNO that: Pehle Kashmir Nahi Dete The Aur Ab Hamare Players Ko Full 50 Over Bhi Nahin Khen De Rahe Aur Isi Beech Pakistan Mein Patakhon Ki Dukaan Ke Bahar Boards Laga Diye Gaye Hain: Becha Hua Maal Vaapas Nahin Hoga Meanwhile Alia Bhatt called Salman Khan and said: Yeh Sohail Khan Pakistan Ki Taraf Se Kyun Khela ? In a School Teacher: What is your name? Student: Mera Naam Misba Ul Haq Hai Teacher: Speak in English Student: Inshallah The Boys Played Well Dear Team India Vo Jo Hum Kah Rahe The Na Ki Bas Pakistan Ko Hara Do Chahe World Cup Haar Jaana Hum Batana Chahte Hain Ki Vo Toh Hum Aiise Hi MAzaak KAr Rahe The Hamein World Cup Bhi Chahiye

Tom was a man who knew all there was to know about golf He knew all the courses the champions their scores as well as the prize money the professionals had won for the past fifty years or more He had read every book ever published on the game and knew all there was to know about technique but strange to say he had never played a game Having listened to him hold forth for so long his friends finally ganged up on him and insisted that he play a game It was arranged for the following weekend Tom set out with borrowed clubs and faced the eighteen holes of his home course Five hours later he returned with a score of 53 which included eagles nine birdies and a hole in one Never had anyone seen such a finfour-e-performance from a beginner However while the celebrations were going on in the clubhouse Tom announced that he would never play again What cried his distraught mates What echoed the equally distraught pro But you could win all sorts of prizes for the club You know everything there is to know about the game Not everything Tom replied The books didn`t tell me I`d have to walk

Comparing World Cup teams with Academics Performance India: A unpredictable student who either tops or fails miserably and has a rich daddy Even if he fails the mother covers up by saying Atleast he has better marks than his other classmate called Pakistan South Africa: A student who tops in units and semesters but fails in the final exams Pakistan: A student who has the potential of being a topper but spends most of his time fighting and even beating other schoolmates Either blames the teacher paper quality of the exam paper or fellow classmate (India) for his non-performance West Indies: A student who was a topper till 5th grade but currently fails in every exams Has a tendency of not preparing for the final exams and also leaving midway from the examination hall New Zealand: A student who always scores a distinction but never tops the class Australia: A student who is always a topper and the biggest bully of the school Sri Lanka: A student who suddenly became a potential topper after 5th grade England: A rare case where the teacher is still a student who has never cleared a final exam

A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him Both are even after the first couple of holes The second guy says Say we re about evenly matched how about we play for five bucks a hole? The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn t like to bet but agrees to the terms Well the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they re walking off of the eighteenth hole and while counting his 80 00 he confesses that he s the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers The first fellow reveals that he s the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money The Priest says No no You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you You keep your winnings The pro says Well is there anything I can do to make it up to you? The Priest says Well you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation Then if you bring your mother and father by after Mass I ll marry them for you

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon He figured if he hurried and played very fast he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone Not wanting to be rude he allowed the old gent to join him To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly He didn t hit the ball far but plodded along consistently and didn t waste much time Finally they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said You know when I was your age I d hit the ball right over that tree With that challenge placed before him the youngster swung hard hit the ball up right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay The old man offered one more comment Of course when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall

Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball Don`t you have at least one other golf ball? he asked The other guy replied that no he only needed the one Are you sure? the friend persisted What happens if you lose that ball? The other guy replied This is a very special golf ball I won`t lose it so I don`t need another one Well the friend asked what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake? That`s okay he replied this special golf ball floats I`ll be able to retrieve it Well what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs? The other guy replied That`s okay too You see this special golf ball has a homing beacon I`ll be able to get it back -- no problem Exasperated the friend asks Okay Let`s say our game goes late the sun goes down and you hit your ball into a sand trap What are you going to do then? No problem says the other guy you see this ball is florescent I`ll be able to see it in the dark Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball the friend asks Hey where did you get a golf ball like that anyway? The other guy replies I found it