Shayari Bazar

To: All Employees Dear Staff It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise If you dress poorly you need to learn to manage your money better so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise If you dress in-between you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise Personal Days: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year They are called Saturday and Sunday Lunch Breaks: Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill Sick Days: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness If you are able to go to the doctor you are able to come to work Restroom Use: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls At the end of 3 minutes an alarm will sound the toilet pater roll will retract the stall door will open and a picture will be taken After your second offense your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the Chronic Offender category Surgery: As long as you are employed here you need all your organs You should not consider removing anything We hired you intact To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment Thank you for your loyalty to our company We are here to provide a positive employment experience Therefore all questions comments concerns complaints frustrations irritations aggravations insinuations allegations accusations contemplation and input should be directed elsewhere Have a nice week