An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed gathered up the bed sheets and threw them out the hospital window A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him He started yelling cursing and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet As the drunk stood there unsteady on his feet staring down at the sheets a hospital security guard who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked What the heck is going on here? The drunk still staring down replied I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed gathered up the bed sheets and threw them out the hospital window A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him He started yelling cursing and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet As the drunk stood there unsteady on his feet staring down at the sheets a hospital security guard who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked What the heck is going on here? The drunk still staring down replied I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost

What would happen If Mahabharata would happen in this era Enjoy Reading: 1 Kauravas would have starved to death with only 9 subsidized LPG cylinders for 102 of them 2 When Bheem meets Hanuman he would hand him t-shirts saying Being Hanuman and then run him over 3 Duryodhana would claim he did Draupadi s vastraharan because she didn t call him Bhaiya 4 Media would target Shree Krishna as Dwarka was in Gujarat 5 Duryodhan would get Draupadi arrested u/s 66A of IT Act for updating her FB status; Andhe ka putra andha hi hoga 6 Draupadi would have been sobbing in a Satyameva Jayate episode 7 Nandan Nilkeni would go mad during AADHAR data collection at the Kaurava household 8 India TV headlines will be Draupdi ki saaree ka raaz khulega Aaj theek raat 8 baze 9 TV reporters will ask Bheesm Pitamah on the bed of arrows: How are you feeling? Kaise lag raha hai? 10 After 13 years of Vanwaass Pandavas would have turned into Naxals 11 News channels would pay millions for exclusive rights for live telecast of Draupadi s vastraharan 12 Abhimanyu would have got the GYAN that getting out of Chakravyuh was easier than booking a Tatkal ticket on IRCTC 13 Aishwarya would ve replaced by Draupadi in L Oreal shampoo advt 5 problems 1 solution 14 Sanjaya would have minted billions by selling satellite rights for the kurukshetra war 15 Barkha s show would be renamed: The Yudh Stops Here ; Sagarika s: Face the Yudh and Arnab s: The Yud Hour 16 Only ND Tiwari will come close to having 100 children 17 US would be begging India to share the Dron e technology with them 18 Lord Krishna will be Political Guru Shakuni will be Management Guru 19 There would be a Justice for Kauravas campaign by Civil Society at India Gate against Pandavas for massacring the whole family 20 Pandavas would have had to shift frequently because DLF and Jaypee Group would frequently take over jungles for housing projects

इंटरव्यूअर: अगर 2 गाड़ियाँ एक लाइन पर आ गयी तो क्या करोगे? संता: जी रेड लाइट दिखाऊंगा! इंटरव्यूअर: रेड लाइट न हो तो? संता: टॉर्च दिखाऊँगा! इंटरव्यूअर: टॉर्च न हो तो? संता: अपनी रेड शर्ट उतार कर दिखाऊंगा! इंटरव्यूअर: शर्ट भी रेड न हुई तो? संता: फिर मै अपने बेटे पप्पू को बुलाऊंगा! इंटरव्यूअर: वो क्यों? संता: जी उसने कभी ट्रेनों की टक्कर नहीं देखी!

. 4 दिनों का प्यार ओ रब्बा बड़ी लंबी जुदाई। . 4 दिनों की चाँदनी फिर अँधेरी रात। . 4 किताबें तो पढ़ ली अब 4 पैसे भी कमा लो। . आखिर हमारी भी 4 लोगों में इज़्ज़त है। . ये बात 4 लोग सुनेंगे तो क्या कहेंगे कि 4 दिन की आई बहु ने ये कमाल कर दिया। . 4 दिन तो घर में टिक के बैठ जाती। . तुम से क्या 4 कदम भी नहीं चला जाता? . वो आई और 4 बातें सुना कर चली गयी। . 4 बोतल वोडका काम मेरा रोज़ का।

Dronacharya: The Mentor The employee who doesn t like working himself but is always ready to guide and train new joiners Bhishma: The Loyal The employee in a relatively senior position who happily assists the boss in spite of knowing his incompetence (because of some strange oath maybe) Dhritarashtra: The blind boss He knows that everything is wrong with his project but will still let it function without making any changes to the current processes Gandhari: The Yesmen/Women Boss s immediate juniors who know that they are a part of an evil plan but will stay blindfolded and pretend as if nothing is happening Yuddhisthira: The ethical guy Poor chap would never fudge timesheets and call in sick only when he is dying Bheema: The angry resource Always ready to pick up a fight with his peers subordinates or even the bosses Arjuna: The cool dude The star performer who also knows how to sell his skills A natural charmer very famous among the ladies Nakul Sahdev: The good average resource No one notices them They keep doing their work and get average appraisals Duryodhana: The Bully Knows how to get work done by hook or by crook Doesn t mind threatening the likes of Nakul and Sahdev to get his work done Karna: The unsung hero The best performer in the office but never claims credit for his work Stays an unsung hero for all his life Girls take him for a snobbish nerd Shakuni: The evil plotter Copies management in every mail Escalates every trivial issue sometimes to take credits and sometimes purely for fun Dhristadyumna: The One inning wonder The one who performs an extraordinary feat and then basks in the glory of it for the rest of his life Draupadi: The shared resource Keeps hopping projects on boss s advice Krishna: The Ultimate Boss (MD/CEO) who knows that it is his game while he makes everyone believe that they are playing important roles too Who says history never repeats It does everyday

एक आदमी रात को गली के सामने खड़ा था। वहां के चौकीदार ने देखा तो कड़क कर पूछा कौन हो तुम यहां क्या कर रहे हो? आदमी बोला मेरा नाम शेर सिंह है । चौकीदार: बाप का नाम क्या है? आदमी: शमशेर सिंह। चौकीदार: कहां रहते हो? आदमी: शेरों वाले मोहल्ले में। चौकीदार: तो इतनी रात में यहाँ खड़े क्या कर रहे हो जाओ अपने घर जाओ? आदमी: कैसे जाऊं आगे कुत्ते भौंक रहे हैं।

समाचार पत्र में विज्ञापन आया हमारे पास एक ऐसा उत्पाद हैं जिसको पहनकर आप पूरी दुनिया को देख सकते हैं मगर आपको कोई नही देख सकता। दस हज़ार में यह सुविधा आपके घर तक फ्री में पहुंचाई जायेगी। एक लड़की ने विज्ञापन पढ़ते ही 10 000 रुपये भेज दिए। कुछ दिनों बाद TCS एक पैकेट लेकर आया लड़की ने उसे जल्दी से खोला तो अन्दर से एक बुर्क़ा निकला वो भी टोपी वाला।

एक बूढ़ी औरत फिल्म देख रही थी फिल्म देखते वक़्त वो हर दस मिनट बाद कोल्ड ड्रिंक की कैन में मुंह लगाती और फिर कैन वापस रख देती! उसे ऐसा करता देख पास बैठा लड़का परेशान हो गया तो उसने वह कैन उठाया और खाली कर दिया और उस बुढिया से बोला; लड़का: ऐसे पी जाती है कोल्ड ड्रिंक आंटी जी! लड़के की बात सुन बुढिया बोली; बुढिया: बेटा मैं तो उसमे अपना पान थूक रही थी!

एक कर्मचारी अपने वेतन का चेक लेकर अपने मालिक के पास पहुंचा और बोला यह चेक मेरे वेतन से दो सौ रुपये कम का है। मालिक: पिछले महीने जब मैंने तुम्हें दो सौ रुपये ज्यादा का चेक दिया था तो तुमने कोई शिकायत नहीं की थी। कर्मचारी: ठीक है वह आपकी पहली गलती थी इसलिए मैंने ध्यान नहीं दिया। लेकिन अगर गलती करना आप अपनी आदत बना लेंगे तो मुझे कहना ही पड़ेगा ना।

एक कर्मचारी अपने वेतन का चेक लेकर अपने मालिक के पास पहुंचा और बोला यह चेक मेरे वेतन से दो सौ रुपये कम का है। मालिक: पिछले महीने जब मैंने तुम्हें दो सौ रुपये ज्यादा का चेक दिया था तो तुमने कोई शिकायत नहीं की थी। कर्मचारी: ठीक है वह आपकी पहली गलती थी इसलिए मैंने ध्यान नहीं दिया। लेकिन अगर गलती करना आप अपनी आदत बना लेंगे तो मुझे कहना ही पड़ेगा ना।

1 Every Indian bachelor wants to marry a fair girl 2 When the doorbell rings a male or kid goes to open the door and the females run for their dupatta So keep ur friends close but your dupatta closer 3 Picking up/dropping a relative (airport/railway stn) is an important family affair Railway stns are like a stroll in the park 4 Every teenage girls first crush is Dhoni or Virat Kholi Mothers approve Mothers dont approve film stars though 5 We thrive on street food and we dont get sick 6 Every indian mother has 2 careers working/housewife + Match making 7 We have all had secret boyfriends/girlfriends We dint care about them cheating on us but we dreaded getting caught by each others parents 8 Indian girls have 3 type of brothers Real brother cousin brother Rakhee brother Every indian guy is definitely somebodys rakhee brother 9 The bride MUST cry at her Vidai A bride has no business looking happy 10 We go on cleaning sprees only during diwali/Christmas or when we have guests coming over 11 However old we are our parenrs need to know every detail of our schedule Daily No excuses No exemption 12 When indian parents buy tickets every child becomes under 12 Getting a half ticket is a huge victory 13 If we live in another city and dont call our mom daily she ll freak out and call all our friends to make sure we are alive 14 We get embarrassed in front of our parents even when the word sex is written on a form to specify gender 15 No other nationality can beat indians in bargaining Chalo bhaiya Na tera na mera Itne paise theek hain 16 No matter if we are Convent educated When we are actually angry we switch to highly effective dirty Hindi swear words 16 We spend more time talking to guests at the door when they are leaving than while sitting in the living room 17 Why to change the remote batteries when u can just slap the shit out of the remote and make it work? 18 Meeting a person with the same surname is like finding a long lost twin

ज़िंदगी में पहली बार तीन मित्र किसी के यहाँ मातम के लिए गए। जब कुछ देर चुप बैठे हो गई तो मरने वाले के बाप से पूछा: आखिर आपके बेटे की मौत हुई कैसे? जवाब मिला: उससे गलती से बंदूक का घोड़ा दब गया था गोली लगी और मर गया। तभी दुसरे ने पूछा: गोली कहाँ लगी थी? जवाब मिला: आँख के नीचे। तभी तीसरा मित्र बोला: परमात्मा का शुक्र है गोली आँख के नीचे ही लगी वरना आँख चली जाती।

A King of a Kingdom called his Prime Minister and asked like there are Brilliant people in his State will there be Idiots available? Minister said there will be King then ordered his Minister to go around the State search and bring 5 of such Idiots and present to him in the Council Minister was awestruck since you can identify brilliant people by conducting some form of competition but how to identify Idiots However he goes around the State and after a month comes back with 2 such people There after following is the conversation between King and Minister King: Dear Minister I think you are poor in counting I asked for 5 people and you have brought only 2 Minister: Your Highness please let me explain and then you will know yourself King: OK Go ahead Minister: When I was going around the State I found this guy carrying a huge Gunny Bag on his head and travelling in a Bullock Cart When I asked he said that if he keeps the bag in the Cart it will be overloaded and hurt the Bulls I realised he is the 5th Idiot and brought him to you King: Excellent Next Minister: I saw the other guy was taking his Buffalo to the roof top of his house for grazing where grass was found grown I realised he is the 4th Idiot and brought him to you King: Fine Next Minister: When there are so many problems in the functioning of this kingdom leaving those entire aside I have been going around the State for a month wasting my time in searching for Idiots hence I am the 3rd Idiot King: Laughs out loud Next Minister: Instead of solving all the problems that are there in the Kingdom you have been looking for Idiots in your State hence you are the 2nd Idiot Hearing this entire Council was scared and there was pin drop silence King: Fine there is truth in your statement Who is the 1st Idiot? Minister: Your Highness when there are so much of work in the Office and Home to attend to leaving all this aside person who is reading this Story to know who is the 1st Idiot in What s App is the 1st Idiot

1. आप अपनी आँखों पे साबुन नहीं लगा सकते। 2. आप अपने बाल नहीं गिण सकते। 3. जब आपकी जीभ बाहर हो तो आप सांस नहीं ले सकते। 4. आपने अभी-अभी 3 नंबर प्वाइंट करने की कोशिश की। 5. आप को लगा कि आप यह कर सकते हैं लेकिन आप सिर्फ एक कुत्ते की तरह लग रहे थे। 6. अब आप मुस्कुरा रहे हैं क्योंकि आप कुत्ते के साथ-साथ उल्लू भी बन गए। 7. अब आप सोच रहे हो कि इसे किसको भेज कर अपना गुस्सा निकालूँ!

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers; wider freeways but narrower viewpoints We spend more but have less; we buy more but enjoy it less We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences but less time; we have more degrees but less sense; more knowledge but less judgment; more experts but more problems; more medicine but less wellness We drink too much smoke too much spend too recklessly laugh too little drive too fast get angry too quickly stay up too late get up too tired read too seldom watch TV too much and pray too seldom We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values We talk too much love too seldom and hate too often We`ve learned how to make a living but not a life; we`ve added years to life not life to years We`ve been all the way to the moon and back but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor We`ve conquered outer space but not inner space We`ve done larger things but not better things We`ve cleaned up the air but polluted the soul We`ve split the atom but not our own prejudices We write more but learn less We plan more but accomplish less We`ve learned to rush but not to wait We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever but have less communication These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men and short character; steep profits and shallow relationships These are the times of world peace but domestic warfare; more leisure but less fun; more kinds of food but less nutrition These are days of two incomes but more divorce; of fancier houses but broken homes These are days of quick trips disposable diapers throw-away morality one-night stands overweight bodies and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet to kill It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology can bring this letter to you and a time when you can choose either to share this insight or to just hit delete