Banta was once visiting London After a long walk in one of very fancy clean streets of London he found himself needing a toilet badly After a long search he could not find any and eventually couldn’t control and chose a silent corner of a clean street to release himself Once he had just started a police official approached him Hey What do you think you re doing here? Banta: sorry I have to Pee Officer: No PP here okay? Follow me The Police officer took him to a beautiful garden nearby with lots of grass flowers and singing birds around Officer: Pee here have a nice day Banta: Oh sir that is very nice of you is this English courtesy ? Officer: No This is Indian Embassy

Banta is a Government Employee One day out of boredom he decides to see what s in his old filing cabinet He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp This will look nice on my mantelpiece he decides and takes it home with him While polishing the lamp a genie appears and grants him three wishes I wish for a beautiful Castle right now He gets one Now that he can think more clearly he states his second wish I wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully He tells the genie his third and last wish I wish I d never have to work ever again OOPS He s back in his office again

One train which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks The passengers were horrified On the next Railway station the driver was caught : He was found to be Santa He was questioned He explained that there was a man standing on the tracks and he was not moving from there even after lots of honks etc Then authorities questioned : Santa are you mad just to save life of one person you put life of so many passengers under danger You should have overran that person Santa said : Exactly that is what I also decided but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close

Santa was in the dentist`s chair having a root canal done Every so often the dentist would stick a large toothpick-like object into the tooth`s canal to see how far he had drilled Each time this thing caused Santa great pain but whenever he complained the dentist replied Oh that doesn`t hurt it`s just a measuring device This happened a couple more times Again Santa complained and again he got the same response Finally Santa sat up in the chair took all the stuff out of his mouth and looked straight at the dentist Excuse me for a moment Santa said I have to go out to my truck get my tape measure and whack you in the head with it It shouldn`t hurt though It`s just a measuring device

The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed so they called the prison to seek help The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process he turned to the safe cracker and said Thanks for helping us out here how much do we owe you? The safe cracker replied Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about 100 000

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbor our Santa came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox He opened it looked inside slammed it shut and stormed back into his house A little later Santa came out of his house again looking nervous went to the mailbox again opened it and slammed it shut again Angrily back into the house he went As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn here Santa came again looking very heated up He marched to the mailbox opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever Puzzled by his actions the man asked him Is something wrong Santa ji? To which Santa replied There certainly is My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail

A man with no arms walked up to a bar and asked for a beer Santa the bartender shoved the foaming glass in front of him Look said the customer I have no arms - would you please hold the glass up to my mouth? Sure said Santa and he did Now said the customer I wonder if you`d be so kind as to get my handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe the foam off my mouth Certainly And it was done If said the armless man you`d reach in my right hand pants pocket you`ll find the money for the beer Santa got it You`ve been very kind said the customer Just one thing more Where is the men`s room? Out the door said Santa turn left walk two blocks and there`s one in a filling station on the corne

On their anniversary night Santa and his wife Jeeto sat down in the den with her favourite magazine turned on the soft reading lamp slipped off her shoes patted and propped her feet and announced that he was preparing dinner all by himself How romantic Jeeto thought Two-and-a-half hours later Jeeto was still waiting for dinner to be served She tiptoed to the kitchen and found it a colossal mess Santa removing something indescribable from the smoking oven saw her in the doorway Almost ready he vowed Sorry it took me so long I had to refill the pepper shaker Why honey how long could that have taken you? More than an hour I reckon Wasn`t easy stuffin` it through those dumb little holes

Santa and Jeeto got married Santa thought this would be a modern marriage which meant equal roles for equal partners So the first morning back from their honeymoon Santa brought Jeeto breakfast in bed Jeeto wasn t impressed with his culinary skills however She looked disdainfully at the tray and snorted A poached egg? I wanted scrambled Undaunted the next morning Santa brought his true love a scrambled egg Jeeto wasn t having any of it Don t you think I like variety? I wanted poached this morning Determined to please his wife the next morning he brought his true love two eggs - one scrambled and one poached Here my love enjoy Jeeto was furious You idiot you scrambled the wrong egg

Banta wanted to use his ATM card but the machine kept on rejecting the card In frustration Banta called his bank help line Banta angrily: So what s wrong with my ATM card? Girl: Sir I have checked your account everything is alright here and you should be able to use your card are you sure your card is not damaged or broken? Banta: Are you insane? What are You insinuating? No one takes good care of their ATM card like I do Girl: Okay Sir are you also sure the surface isn t wet or stained with dirt? Banta: Are you mad? I take very good care of my card As a matter of fact I even got it laminated last week when I laminated my Identity card Girl: Did you just said LAMINATE? Banta: Of course Yes

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a party and his host Banta naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease Would you mind telling me Doctor Banta asked how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal? Nothing is easier he replied You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble If he hesitates that puts you on the track What sort of question? Well you might ask him Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them Which one? Banta thought for a moment and then said with a nervous laugh You wouldn t happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don t know much about history

Jeeto came into her doctor`s office and confessed to an embarrassing problem: I fart all the time Doctor but they`re soundless and they have no odor In fact since I`ve been here I`ve farted no less than twenty times What can I do? Here`s a prescription Mrs Santa Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week The next week an upset Jeeto marched into Doctor`s office: Doc I don`t know what was in those pills but the problem is worse I`m farting just as much and they`re still soundless but now they smell terrible What do you have to say for yourself ? Calm down Mrs Santa said the doctor soothingly Now that we`ve fixed your sinuses we`ll work on your hearing

Einstein and Banta are sitting next to each other on a long flight Einstein says Let s play a game I will ask you a question If you don t know the answer you pay me only 5 and if I don t know the answer I will pay you 500 Einstein asks the first question: What s the distance from the Earth to the Moon? Banta doesn t say a word reaches his pocket and pulls out a 5 Now it s Banta s turn He asks Einstein What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down on 4 legs? Einstein searches the net and asks all his smart friends After an hour he gives Banta 500 Einstein going nuts and asks Well so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four? Banta reaches his pocket and gives Einstein 5

A new soldier Banta was on sentry duty at the main gate His orders were clear: No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back Banta said Halt who goes there? The sergeant who was driving motioned to the back seat and said Brigadier I`m sorry I can`t let you through You have to have a sticker on the windshield The Brigadier yelled from the back Drive on Banta replied Hold it You really can`t come through I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker The Brigadier repeated I`m telling you son drive on Banta walked up to the rear window and said Sir I`m new at this Do I shoot you or your driver?

In a Test between India and Australia the fiery Bret Lee was sending quivers down the Indian spine The new batsman our Santa walked slowly to the crease not feeling unlike a lamb at the slaughter house As Lee thundered in suddenly Santa stood up in the crease and signalled that he wanted the sight screen adjusted Adjustments were made and Brett Lee was ready to come in again Once again in the middle of his run-up Santa found something disturbing in the sight screen Indeed this went on a few times before the irritated umpire Steve Bucknor walked up to the batsman and enquired Where do you want the sight screen for God`s sake? Santa asked with an ounce of fear Could I have it between Lee and me?