Santa gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country He has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense As soon as he boarded the plane a Boeing737 he started jumping in excitement running over seat to seat and starts shouting BOEING BOEING BOEING BO He sort of forgets where he is even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise Annoyed by the goings on the Pilot comes out and shouts Be silent There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at Santa and the angry Pilot Santa stared at the pilot in silence for a moment concentrated really hard and all of a sudden started shouting OEING OEING OEING OE

Banta sees his buddy Santa in a bar and says You`re not going to believe this but I`ve got a wild nymphomaniac in my car out in the parking lot She`s wearing me out Can you go out to the car and keep her busy? The dome light is off so she won`t know you`re not me Santa agrees and goes out to his car They climb into the back seat and start going at it A few minutes later a cop sees them and starts banging on the window shining his flashlight inside What the hell do you two think you`re doing? Santa says Oh there`s nothing wrong she`s my wife The cop says Oh sorry I didn`t know Santa says Neither did I until you shined that light in here

Santa: I am in big trouble Banta: What happened? Santa: I saw a rat in my house Banta: Oh well all you need to do is use a trap Santa: I don t have one Banta: Well then buy one Santa: I can t afford one Banta: I can give you mine if you want Santa: That sounds good Banta: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the rat come to the trap Santa: I don t have any cheese Banta: Okay then take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap Santa: I don t have oil Banta: Well then put only a small piece of bread Santa: I don t have bread Banta: Then what the hell is the rat doing in your house?

Santa: I m in a big trouble Banta: Why is that? Santa: I saw a mouse in my house Banta: Oh well all you need to do is use a trap Santa: I don t have one Banta: Well then buy one Santa: Can t afford one Banta: I can give you mine if you want Santa: That sounds good Banta: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap Santa: I don t have any cheese Banta: Okay then take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap Santa: I don t have oil Banta: Well then put only a small piece of bread Santa I don t have bread Banta: Then what the hell is that mouse doing at your house???

Two young medical students were standing on a street corner observing people as they passed and discussing any abnormalities with each other that they may have seen in passers-by They would then attempt to make the correct diagnosis They spotted our Santa leaving a bar sort of duck waddling down the street at a slow pace The two students introduced themselves to Santa and told him that they didn t agree with each others diagnosis of the his problem One says My friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids and I think you have a hernia Which of us is correct? Santa replies Well boys I thought it was a fart but it looks like we were all wrong

Once Santa and Banta try to land an airplane in the States They start descending and as they touch the ground Santa screams the runway is ending Banta swiftly gets the plane back up in the air They make a big turn and start descending again The moment they touch the ground Santa screams again Get the plane up the runaway is ending Banta swiftly gets the plane back up in the air They make a big turn and start descending again This goes on again and again During their fourth descent Santa says : Look at those stupid Americans they build this huge expensive airport but with such a short runaway I know answers Banta But look how wide they made it

Santa comes home from an exhausting day at work plops down on the couch in front of the television and tells Jeeto Get me a beer before it starts His wife Jeeto and gets him a beer Fifteen minutes later Banta says Get me another beer before it starts Jeeto looks cross but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him Santa finishes that beer and a few minutes later says Quick get me another beer it`s going to start any minute now Jeeto is furious now She yells at him Is that all you`re going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You`re nothing but a lazy drunken fat slob and furthermore Santa sighs and says It`s started

Santa wired home that he had been able to wind up his business trip a day early and would be home on Wednesday When he walked into his apartment however he found his wife Jeeto in bed with another man Furious he picked up his bag and stormed out; he met his mother-in-law on the street told her what had happened and announced that he was filing a suit for divorce in the morning Give my daughter a chance to explain before you do any thing the older women pleaded Reluctantly he agreed An hour later his mother-in-law phoned Santa at his office I knew my daughter would have an explanation a note of truimph in her voice She didn t receive your telegram

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient`s room He found Santa sitting on the floor pretending to saw a piece of wood in half Banta was hanging from the ceiling by his feet The doctor asked Santa what he was doing Santa replied `Can`t you see I`m sawing this piece of wood in half?` The doctor inquired of Santa what Banta was doing Santa replied `Oh he`s a little crazy He thinks he`s a light bulb ` The doctor looks up and notices Banta`s face is going all red The doctor asks Santa `If he`s your friend you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?` Santa replies `What? And work in the dark?`

A retiring farmer needed to rid his farm of animals in preparation for selling his land so he went to every house in his village To the houses where the husband was the boss he gave a horse To the houses where the wife was the boss he gave a chicken When the farmer arrived at the end of the street he met Banta and Preeto who were outside gardening Who s the boss around here? he asked I am replied Banta Well then I have a black horse and a brown horse the farmer said Which one would you like? Banta thought for a minute and said The black one No no no the brown one interrupted Preeto The farmer shook his head and remarked to Banta Here s your chicken

Santa went to a doctor and said Doctor I ache all over Everywhere I touch it hurts The doctor asked Santa to touch his elbow Santa touched his elbow and winced in genuine pain The doctor was surprised and asked Santa to touch his head Santa touched his head and jumped in agony The doctor asked him to touch his knee and the same thing happened Everywhere Santa touched it hurt like hell The doctor was stumped and ordered an complete examination with X-rays etc and told Santa to come back after two days Santa came back two days later and the doctor said We have found your problem Oh yes? What is it? asked Santa You have broken your finger replied the docto

Outside a pharmacy in a busy street a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life not breathing not moving not twitching a muscle just standing there frozen The pharmacist seeing this strange sight in front of his shop goes up to his assistant Santa and asks What`s the matter with that guy? Wasn`t he in here earlier? Santa replies Yes he was He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help Pharmacist says He seems to be fine now Santa replies Sure he does I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives [something that loosens the bowels Used to combat constipation overdose causes diarrhea] on the market Now he won`t dare cough

Once upon a time there was an archery contest The first archer wearing a long cape covering his face lines up in position He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow which finds the center of the target Then he takes of his cape and screams: I AM ROBIN HOOD The crowd cheers The second archer with a cape lines up in position He fires his arrow which hits the center and cuts Robin Hood s arrow into two He takes off his cape and screams: I AM WILLIAM TELL The crowd cheers Finally our Santa in cape lines up in position He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong It flies past the crowd and kills the king Then the man takes off his cape and screams: I AM SORRY

Santa enters a store that sell curtains He tells the salesman I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains He showed him several patterns but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing Finally he selects a lovely pink floral print The salesman asked what size curtains he needed Santa replies Fifteen inches Fifteen inches? asked the salesman That sounds very small what room are they for? Santa tells him that they aren t for a room they are for his computer monitor The surprised salesman replies But sir computers do not have curtains Santa says Hellllooooooooo I ve got Windows

Three guys - Santa Banta and Ramta - are working on a high-rise building project Ramta falls off and is killed instantly As the ambulance takes the body away Santa says Someone should go and tell his wife Banta says OK I am pretty good at that sensitive stuff I will do it Two hours later he comes back carrying a 6-pack of beer Santa says Where did you get that Banta? Ramta`s wife gave it to me That is unbelievable you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer? Banta says Well not exactly When she answered the door I said to her You must be Ramta widow She said `No I am not a widow ’ and I said ‘Wanna bet me a six-pack?’