A woman was driving down the highway about 80 miles an hour when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her Instead of slowing down she picked up speed When she looked back again their were two motorcycles following her She shot up to 90 miles The next time she looked around there were three cops following her Suddenly she spotted a gas station looming ahead She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies room Ten minutes later she innocently walked out The three cops were standing their waiting for her Without batting an eye she said coyly I ll bet none of you thought I would make it

All The procedure is that the procedure will change until the new procedure is in place which is also subject to change The above procedure is invalid The procedure to implement the procedure above has been revised The new procedure is that there is no procedure except in the instance where a procedure already exists (Existing procedure must be reviewed according to procedure before being followed ) Follow correct procedures in using the above procedures This procedure is subject to change and revision at any time and you will be notified according to procedure Author: Joel P Ruby Verifone Support

Spanish captain was walking on his ship A soldier rushes to him and says One enemy ship is approaching us Captain replies calmly Go get my red shirt The soldier gets the shirt for the captain The enemy ship comes in heavy rounds of fire are exchanged Finally the Spaniards win Soldier asks Congrats sir but why the red shirt? Captain replies If I got injured then my blood shouldn t be seen as I didn t want my men to loose hope (Moral: For success hope is very important) Just then another soldier Sir we just spotted another TWENTY enemy ships The captain calmly replies Go bring my yellow pants

Morris is dying and is on his deathbed He is with his nurse his wife his daughter and 2 sons and knows the end is near So he says to them Bernie I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses Sybil take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza Hymie I want you to take the offices over in City Center Sarah my dear wife please take all the residential buildings downtown The nurse is just blown away by all this and as Morris slips away she says to the wife Your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated so much property Sarah replies Property? the idiot had a newspaper route

My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy and he used to tell me how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing He said he would stand outside behind the house and with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could After a while he tried 10 pound potato sacks then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute Eventually he even started putting potatoes in the sacks

A woman in an diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight She d made her family s favorite cake over the weekend she reported and they d eaten half of it at dinner The next day she said she kept staring at the other half until finally she cut a thin slice for herself One slice led to another and soon the whole cake was gone The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower and how she knew her husband would be disappointed Everyone commiserated until someone asked what her husband said when he found out She smiled He never found out I made another cake and ate half

आज olx पे ये एड देख के आँखें भर आयीं
For Sale: शादी का शेरवानी सूट
न्यू कन्डीशन सिर्फ एक बार वो भी गलती से पहना हुआ

FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food REAL FRIENDS: Is the reason you have no food FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it s yours FAKE FRIENDS: know a few things about you REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say I M HOME FAKE FRIENDS: Are for a while REAL FRIENDS: Are for life FAKE FRIENDS: will talk bad to the person who talks bad about you REAL FRIENDS: Will knock the person out that talked bad about you

आओ धावक की तरह बैठो योगी की तरह
और जाओ राजा की तरह, इसमें funny क्या है
ये स्लोगन एक toilet के दरवाजे पर लिखा हुआ था

The phone rings at KGB headquarters Hello? Hello is this KGB? Yes What do you want? I m calling to report my neighbor Yankel Rabinovitz as an enemy of the State He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his firewood This will be noted Next day the KGB goons come over to Rabinovitz s house They search the shed where the firewood is kept break every piece of wood find no diamonds and swear at Yankel Rabinovitz and leave The phone rings at Rabinovitz s house Hello Yankel Did the KGB come? Yes Did they chop your firewood? Yes they did Okay now it s your turn to call I need my vegetable patch plowed

A 60 year old woman was walking along 5th Avenue when she heard a voice from above You will live to be 100 She looked around and didn t see anyone Again she heard You will live to be 100 Boy she thought to herself that was the voice of God I ve got 40 more years to live So off she went to the plastic surgeon She got everything fixed from head to toe When she left the plastic surgeon s office she got hit by a bus died and went up to heaven She said to God You told me I would live to be 100 I was supposed to have had 40 more years So how come you let the bus kill me? God said: I didn t recognize you

A big burly man visited his pastor s home and asked to see the minister s wife a woman well known for her charitable impulses Madam he said in a broken voice I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district The father of the family is dead the mother is too ill to work and the nine children are starving They are about to be turned into the cold empty streets unless someone pays their rent which amounts to 400 How terrible exclaimed the preacher s wife May I ask who you are? They sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes I m the landlord he sobbed

A man was speeding down the highway feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed However as they passed a speed trap he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over The officer handed him the citation received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked Officer I know I was speeding but I don t think it s fair There were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast so why did I get the ticket? Ever go fishing? the policeman suddenly asked the man Ummm yeah so the startled man replied The officer grinned and added Ever catch ALL the fish?

Reaching the end of the job interview the interviewer asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT And what starting salary were you looking for? The candidate responded confidently In the neighborhood of 125 000 a year depending on the benefits package The HR person said Well what would you say to a benefits package of 5-weeks vacation 14 paid holidays full medical and dental company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary and a company car leased every two year - say a red Corvette? The graduate sat up mouth agape and said Wow Are you kidding? And the interviewer responded Of course but you started it

A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator smelling like expensive perfume She turns to the old Italian woman on the elevator with her and says arrogantly Giorgio - Beverly Hills 100 an ounce Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume She arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman and says Chanel No 5 150 an ounce About three floors later the old Italian woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator Before she leaves she looks both beautiful women in the eyes turns bends over and farts Broccoli - 49 cents a pound