Girl: पापा एक Important बात थी
Father:बोलो
Girl: मैं एक लड़के से प्यार करती हूँ पर बो America मे रहता हैं
website में हमारी जान पहचान हुई
Facebook में दोस्ती हुई
Skype में उसने मुझे propose किया
Whatsapp में हम लोग दो महीने से प्यार कर रहें हैं
Father : really तो अब
Twitter में शादी करो
Make my trip में हनीमून करो
Flip kart से बच्चा मंगवालो
Gmail में receive करलो
Last में
अगर Husband अच्छा न लगे तो Olx में sell कर दो
कुदरत ने औरत को हसींन बनाया। खूबसूरती दी। चाँद सा चेहरा दिया। हिरणी सी आँखें दी। मोरनी जैसी चाल दी। रेशम से बाल दिए। कोयल जैसी मीठी आवाज़ दी। फूल सी मासूमियत दी। गुलाब से होंठ दिए। शहद सी मिठास दी। प्यार भरा दिल दिया। और फिर.... फिर क्या हुआ जानते हो? एक ज़ुबान दी। और सब सत्यानाश हो गया। हर वक़्त टर्र टर्र टर्र।
कुदरत ने औरत को हसींन बनाया। खूबसूरती दी। चाँद सा चेहरा दिया। हिरणी सी आँखें दी। मोरनी जैसी चाल दी। रेशम से बाल दिए। कोयल जैसी मीठी आवाज़ दी। फूल सी मासूमियत दी। गुलाब से होंठ दिए। शहद सी मिठास दी। प्यार भरा दिल दिया। और फिर.... फिर क्या हुआ जानते हो? एक ज़ुबान दी। और सब सत्यानाश हो गया। हर वक़्त टर्र टर्र टर्र।
1 I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience 2 I have lurnt Word Perfect 6 computor and spreasheet progroms 3 Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year 4 Wholly responsible for too [2] failed financial institutions 5 Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave 6 Failed bar exam with relatively high grades 7 It s best for employers that I not work with people 8 Let s meet so you can ooh and aah over my experience 9 You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time 10 Am a perfectionist and rarely if ever forget details 11 I was working for my mom until she decided to move 12 Marital status: single Unmarried Unengaged Uninvolved No commitments 13 I have an excellent track record although I am not a horse 14 I am loyal to my employer at all costs Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail 15 I have become completely paranoid trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing 16 My goal is to be a meterologist But since I possess no training in meteorology I suppose I should try stock brokerage 17 I procrastinate especially when the task is unpleasant 18 Personal interests: donating blood Fourteen gallons so far 19 As indicted I have over five years of analyzing investments 20 Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store 21 Note: Please don t misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping I have never quit a job 22 Marital status: often Children: various 23 Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning I could not work under those conditions 24 The company made me a scapegoat just like my three previous employers 25 Finished eighth in my class of ten 26 References: none I have left a path of destruction behind me
एक व्यक्ति ने होटल के मालिक को बोला जनाब! इस समय आपका बिल चुकाने के लिए मेरे पास पैसे नहीं हैं। होटल का मालिक बोला आप चिंता मत कीजिए हम आपका नाम दीवार पर लिख देंगे। आप जब अगली बार आएं तो दे दीजिएगा। व्यक्ति: मगर ऐसे तो सबको पता चल जाएगा। होटल का मालिक: कैसे पता लग जाएगा श्रीमान जी नाम के ऊपर आपका कोट जो टंगा होगा।
The Problem With American Management This Guy Just Explained It Perfectly A Japanese company and a North American company decided to have a canoe race on the St Lawrence River Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race On the big day the Japanese won by a mile The North Americans very discouraged and depressed decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering while the North American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing So North American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion They advised that too many people were steering the boat while not enough people were rowing To prevent another loss to the Japanese the rowing team s management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder It was called the Rowing Team Quality First Program with meetings dinners and free pens for the rower There was discussion of getting new paddles canoes and other equipment extra vacation days for practices and bonuses The next year the Japanese won by two miles Humiliated the North American management laid off the rower for poor performance halted development of a new canoe sold the paddles and canceled all capital investments in new equipment The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year s racing team was outsourced to India
एक छोटी सी लड़की अमेरिका में पहली बार एक शादी में गयी लड़की ने चुपके से अपनी माँ से पूछा: माँ दुल्हन ने सफ़ेद कपड़े क्यों पहने हैं? ! माँ ने कहा की बेटा सफ़ेद रंग खुशियों का रंग माना जाता है और आज इसके जीवन का सबसे ख़ुशी का दिन है!! लड़की थोड़ी देर कुछ सोचने लगी और एकदम से बोल पड़ी तो माँ फिर दुल्हे ने काला ड्रेस क्यों पहना है!
1 Why did you apply for this job? I have applied for many jobs along with this one and it s just that you called me first 2 Why do you want to work for this company? I have to work for some company whoever gives me a job I don t have any specific company in mind 3 Why should I hire you? You have to hire some one you may give me a try 4 What would you do if this happened? Well it depends on my mindset and mood in that situation 5 What is your biggest strength? I dare to join any company who pays me well without thinking about the fate of company 6 What is your biggest weakness? Girls 7 What was your worst mistake and how did you learn from it? Joining my earlier company and I learnt that I need to switch my job to get more money so I am here today 8 What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of? Had I accomplished any in my last position why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and stay there 9 Describe a challenge that you faced and how did you overcome it? Biggest challenge is answering the question why are you looking for a change and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that 10 Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job? For the same reason why you left your previous job 11 What do you want from this job? No work and good hikes 12 What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them? Making more money and for that I keep switching jobs every two years 13 What do you know about our company? I knew you will ask me this question So I ve gone through your website 14 What salary are you expecting? Well no one will change his job for the same salary hence give me 20% extra than what I am getting right now I know you will bargain on whatever I ask So I have already hiked my current salary by 30%
2 सांप फेसबुक पर चैटिंग कर रहे थे; सांप 1: फुस्स; सांप 2: फुस्स; सांप 1: फुस्स फुस्स फुस्स; सांप 2: फुस्स फुस्स फुस्स; सांप 1: फुस्स फुस्स फुस्स फुस्स फुस्स फुस्स फुस्स फुस्स फुस्स; सांप 2: फुस्स फुस्स फुस्स फुस्स फुस्स फुस्स फुस्स फुस्स फुस्स; सांप 1: भौ भौ भौ। . . . . . सांप 2: साले आ गया ना औकात पर मुझे पता था तू नकली (Fake) आई डी (ID) बनाकर आया है!
CARPERPETUATION (kar pur pet u a shun) n The act when vacuuming of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times reaching over and picking it up examining it then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt ) v To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it somehow assuming this will remove all the germs ECNALUBMA (ek na lub ma) n A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rearview mirror EIFFELITES (eye ful eyetz) n Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who no matter what direction you lean in follow suit ELBONICS (el bon iks) n The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay shun) n The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive FRUST (frust) n The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug LACTOMANGULATION (lak to man gyu lay shun) n Manhandling the open here spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the `illegal side PEPPIER (pehp ee ay ) n The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper PETONIC (peh ton ik) adj One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet PHONESIA (fo nee zhuh) n The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer PUPKUS (pup kus) n The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay shun) n The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up even when you re only six inches away
एक दादा और दादी ने अपनी जवानी के दिनों को याद कर के फिर से उन दिनों को मनाने की सोची! उन्होंने फैसला किया कि हम फिर दरिया किनारे मिलेंगे! दादा सुबह जल्दी उठकर तैयार होकर गुलाब लेकर पहुंच गया पर दादी नही आयी! दादा गुस्से में घर पहुंचा तुम आयी नही मैं इंतजार करता रहा तुम्हारा! दादी ने शरमाकर कहा माँ ने जाने नही दिया!
A young boy from Pune goes off to college Half way through the semester having foolishly squandered all his money he calls home Pita ji he says You won t believe what modern education is developing They actually have a program here in Indian Institute of Management Ahmedabad (IIMA) that will teach our dog Moti how to talk That s amazing his father says How do I get Moti in that program? Just send him down here with Rs 1 00 000 the young boy says and I ll get him in the course So his father sends the dog and Rs 1 00 000 About two-thirds of the way through the semester the money again runs out The boy calls home So how s Moti doing son? his father asks Awesome Pita ji he s talking up a storm he says but you just won t believe this - they ve had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read Read ? says his father No kidding How do we get Moti in that program? Just send Rs 2 00 000 I ll get him in the class The money promptly arrives But our hero has a problem At the end of the year his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read So he shoots the dog When he arrives home at the end of the year his father is all excited Where s Moti? I just can t wait to see him read something and talk Pita ji the boy says I have some grim news Yesterday morning just before we left to drive home Moti was in the living room kicked back in the recliner reading The Economic Times like he usually does Then Moti turned to me and asked so is your father still messing around with that little pretty Champa who lives down the street? The father went white and exclaimed I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother I sure did Pita ji That s my boy The kid went on to law school and now serves in New Delhi as a Member of Parliament
जज: एक पकडे हुए चोर स पूछताछ करते हुए अच्छा तो तुम चार बार एक ही दुकान का ताला तोड़ते हुए पकड़े गए? चोर: जी हाँ साहब। जज: तुमने क्या चुराया था? चोर: साहब मैंने एक ड्रेस चुराई थी। जज: जब तुम एक बार ड्रेस चुरा चुके थे तो फिर चार बार वहां आने की क्या जरुरत थी? चोर: साहब जो पहले तीन ड्रेस चुराई उनका रंग मेरी बीवी को पसंद नही आया।
प्रिय बारिश ज्यादा रोमांटिक होने की जरूरत नहीं है। हमारे पास ऐसी गर्लफ्रेंड नहीं है जो शिफॉन की साड़ी पहनकर बारिश में डांस करती हो। हमारे पास तो बीवियाँ हैं जो बारिश होने पर जब हम ऐसी ठंड़ मे भीगे हुए घर आते हैं तो वो बेचारी दौड़कर हमारे पास आती हैं और बोलती हैं गेट पर ही रुक जाओ। अंदर मत आना सारा घर गन्दा हो जयेगा।
एक ताबुत बनाने वाला ताबुत की डिलेवरी करने जा रहा था कि उसकी गाड़ी खराब हो गई
उसने ताबुत सिर पर उठाया और चलने लगा रास्ते में रिश्वत के लालच में उसे एक पुलिस वाले ने रोक लिया
पुलिस वाला : यह क्या ले जा रहे हो
आदमी: मुझे जहां दफनाया गया था वह जगह मुझे पसंद नहीं आई तो अपना ताबुत लेकर नई जगह तलाश रहा हूं
पुलिसवाला बेहोश
