अलग अलग लड़कों की गर्लफ्रैंड अपने अपने बॉयफ्रैंड से इस प्रकार लड़ रही थी: पायलेट की गर्लफ्रैंड: ज्यादा मत उड़ समझा! टीचर की: मुझे मत सिखाओ समझे! दांतों के डॉक्टर की: दांत तोड़ के हाथ में दे दूंगी! सी.ए की: हिसाब से रह समझा! और इंजीनियर की पहले नौकरी तो ढूंढ ले फिर बात करना!
Girls are the Most Wonderful Creatures In the World Though You Find Them Difficult Enough because If You Kiss Her You Are not a Gentleman If You Don t You Are Not A Man If You Praise Her She Thinks You Are Lying If You Don t You Are Good For Nothing If You Agree To All Her Likes You Are A Wimp If You Don t You Are Not Understanding If You Visit Her Often She Thinks You Are Boring If You Don t She Accuses You Of Double-Crossing If You Are Well Dressed She Says You Are A Playboy If You Don t You Are A Dull Boy If You Are Jealous She Says Itz Bad If You Don t She Thinks You Don t Luv Her If You Attempt Doing Romance She Says You Didn t Respect Her If You Don t She Thinks You Don t Like Her If You Are A Minute Late She Complains It s Hard To Wait If She Is Late She Says that s A Girl s Way If You Visit Another Man You re Not Putting In Quality time If She Is Visited By Another Woman Oh It s Natural We are Girls If You Kiss Her Once In a While She Professes You Are Cold If You Kiss Her often She Yells that You Are Taking Advantage If You Fail To Help Her In Crossing the Street You Lack Ethics If You Do She Thinks It s Just One Of Men Tactics For Seduction If You Stare At Another Woman She Accuses You Of Flirting If She Is Stared By Other Men She Says that they Are Just Admiring If You Talk She Wants You To Listen If You Listen She Wants You To Talk In Short: So Simple Yet So Complex So Weak Yet So Powerful So Confusing Yet So Desirable So Damning Yet So Wonderful
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip set up their tent and fall asleep Some hours later Holmes wakes his faithful friend Watson look up at the sky and tell me what you see Watson replies I see millions of stars What does that tell you? Watson ponders a minute Astronomically speaking it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets Astrologically it tells me that Saturn is in Leo Time wise it appears to be approximately a quarter past three Theologically it s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant Meteorologically it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow What does it tell you? Holmes is silent for a moment then speaks Watson you idiot someone has stolen our tent Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip set up their tent and fall asleep Some hours later Holmes wakes his faithful friend Watson look up at the sky and tell me what you see Watson replies I see millions of stars What does that tell you? Watson ponders a minute Astronomically speaking it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets Astrologically it tells me that Saturn is in Leo Time wise it appears to be approximately a quarter past three Theologically it s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant Meteorologically it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow What does it tell you? Holmes is silent for a moment then speaks Watson you idiot someone has stolen our tent
दो शराबी जा रहे थे
पहला शराबीः यार देखो चाँद कितना खुबसुरत है
दुसराः अबे वो चाँद नही सुरज है
इसी बात पर दोनो मे झगङा हो गया
तभी एक ओर शराबी वहाँ से गुजरा
उन दोनो ने उनसे पुछाः भाई एक बात बताओ वो चाँद है की सुरज
तिसरा शराबीः पता नही भाई मे तो इस शहर मे नया हुँ
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German which was the other possibility As part of the negotiations the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as Euro-English In the first year s will replace the soft c Sertainly this will make the sivil servants jump with joy The hard c will be dropped in favour of k This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ph will be replaced with f This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter In the 3rd year publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling Also al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent e in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing th with z and w with v During ze fifz yer ze unesesary o kan be dropd from vords kontaining ou and after ziz fifz yer ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru Und efter ze fifz yer ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart`s birthday and as they had not been dating very long after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note : romantic but not too personal Accompanied by his sweetheart`s younger sister he went to Nordstorm and bought a pair of white gloves The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself During the wrapping the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties Without checking the contents the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the note: I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening If it had not been for your sister I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons but she wears short ones that are easier to remove These are a delicate shade but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again When you take them off remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night All my Love PS The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing
On a desolate island in the middle of nowhere the following group of people are shipwrecked: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman; 2 German men and 1 German woman; 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman; 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman; 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman; 2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman; 2 American men and 1 American woman; 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman; One month later on the same island One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean another long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy a liquor store a restaurant and a laundry and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores The two American men are depressed because the American woman complains about her body the nature of feminism that the water tastes bad how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; how her relationship with her mother is improving and how at least it isn t raining on the island The two Indian men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the Indian woman
आदमियों की उदासी के कारण: धंधा (Bussiness) मंदा चल रहा है। बाल उड़ रहे हैं। क्रेडिट कार्ड का बिल भरना है। परिवार की मांगे पूरी करनी है। . . . . . . औरतों की उदासी के कारण: प्रोफाइल की फोटो बदले 2 मिनट हो गए हैं अभी तक किसी ने पसंद नहीं किया। पता नहीं सबको नया (recent ) आधुनिक (Updates) में दिख रहा है कि नहीं।
अगर बारिश हो तो बारिश में नहाती युवतियां; अगर गर्मी हो तो धूप में तपती युवतियां; अगर एग्जाम हो तो परीक्षा देती युवतियां; अगर ट्रैफिक हो तो जाम में फंसी युवतियां; अगर मौसम अच्छा हो तो मौसम का लुत्फ उठाती युवतियां; साला अखबार वालों को पता नहीं कभी हम लड़के नजर क्यों नही आते।
एक बार कुछ आदमियों (पुरुषों का) का समूह तीर्थ यात्रा पर गया था! उनके गुरु ने कहा अगर तुम्हें सुन्दर लड़की दिखे तो तुम उसकी ओर आकर्षित मत होना! अपनी आँखें बंद करो और हरी ॐ कहो! 2-3 दिन बाद उनमें से एक आदमी ने कहा. हरी ॐ ! उसके सभी साथियों ने एक साथ प्रतिक्रिया देते हुए कहाँ है? कहाँ है ?
Start with a cage containing five apes In the cage hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it Before long an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana As soon as he touches the stairs spray all of the apes with cold water After a while another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water This continues through several more attempts Pretty soon when another ape tries to climb the stairs the other apes all try to prevent it Now turn off the cold water Remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs To his horror all of the other apes attack him After another attempt and attack he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs he will be assaulted Next remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm Again replace a third original ape with a new one The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes all the apes which have been sprayed with cold water have been replaced Nevertheless no ape ever again approaches the stairs Why not? Because that s the way they ve always done it and that s the way it s always been around here And that s how company policy begins
1) What is the tax on a Mallu s income called? IngumDax 2) Where did the Malayali study? In the ko-liage 3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today? He is very bissi 4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket? To go to Thuubai zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff 5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff? To yearn meney 6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire? He zimbly jembd out of the vindow 7) How does a Malayali spell moon? MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen 8) What is Malayali management graduate called? Yem Bee Yae 9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ? He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren 10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday? An Oto 11) Where does he pray? In a Temble Charch and a Maask 12) Who is Bruce Lee s best friend? A Malaya-Lee of coarse 13) Name the only part of the werld where Malayalis dont werk hard? Kerala 14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala? Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting folding and re-tying the lungi 15) Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait? He had a Mallu baby-sitter who always used to say KEEP QUWAIT KEEP QUWAIT 16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line? Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders We Are Yevery Where 17) Why aren t Mallus included in hockey and football teams? Coz Whenever they get a corner they set up a tea shop Now pass it on to 5 Mallus to get a free sample of kokanet oil Pass it on 10 Mallus to get a free pack of Benana Chibbs (My Mallu peeps no offence its just a forward zimbly read and yenjay)
Three men a philosopher a mathematician and an idiot were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree Before anyone knows it the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven where St Peter and the Devil were standing nearby Gentlemen the Devil started Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded therefore St Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don t know or cannot answer then you re worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not then you ll come with me to Hell The philosopher then stepped up OK give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates teachings With a snap of his finger a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct Then go to Hell With another snap of his finger the philosopher disappeared The mathematician then asked Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of With a snap of his finger another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct Then go to Hell With another snap of his finger the mathematician disappeared too The idiot then stepped forward and said Bring me a chair The Devil brought forward a chair Drill 7 holes on the seat The Devil did just that The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart Standing up he asked Which hole did my fart come out from? The Devil inspected the seat and said The third hole from the right Wrong said the idiot it s from my ass hole And the idiot went to Heaven
Check your presence of mind Take the test Relax clear your mind and begin what s the 1st answer that comes to your mind??? Question 1 What do you put in a toaster? Answer: Bread If you said Toast give up now and do something else Try not to hurt yourself If you said bread go to Question 2 Question 2 Say Silk five times Now spell Silk What do cows drink? Answer: Cows drink water If you said Milk don t attempt the next question Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat Content yourself by reading more appropriate literature such as Auto World However if you said Water proceed to question 3 Question 3 If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks what is a green house made from? Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass If you said Green Bricks why the hell are you still reading these??? If you said Glass go on to Question 4 Question 4 It s twenty years ago and a plane crashes from 20 000 feet over Germany (If you will recall Germany at the time was politically divided into East and West Germany) Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany West Germany No man s land ??? Answer: You don t bury survivors If you said ANYTHING else you must stop If you said You don t bury survivors proceed to the next question Question 5 Please don t use a calculator - You are driving a bus from Mumbai to Pune In Mumbai 17 people get on in Pune 16 get off Name the driver Answer: Oh for crying out loud Don t you remember your own name? It was YOU
एक बार एक दादा - दादी ने जवानी के दिनों को याद करने का फैसला किया। अगले दिन दादा फूल ले कर वहीँ पहुंचा जहां वो जवानी में मिला करते थे वहां खड़े-खड़े दादा के पैरों में दर्द हो गया लेकिन दादी नहीं आयी। घर जा कर दादा गुस्से से आयी क्यों नहीं ? दादी शर्माते हुए मम्मी ने आने नहीं दिया ।
