Arnab Goswami might probably be the only guy in this world to fight with his wife win If we could place a mini turbine inside Arnab Goswami s throat the resultant electricity can power all the Times group building Arnab Goswami is inversly proportional to Manmohan Singh Arnaan Goswami s website says: Page Not Found Now thats the question The nation wants to know: Where the page is? If you find Arnab Goswami s pic with his mouth closed then that camera has a very good shutter speed Arnab Goswami is fluent in English weak in grammer because he does not use full stop or comma Imagine playing dumb sharads with Arnab Goswami From the moon you can see the great wall of china and hear Arnab Goswami shouting The nation wants to know Proposed airport near Times Now studio cancelled as noise from newshour could weaken the structure and intercept signals Arnab Goswami insures his throat neck for 100 crores When Arnab Goswami says I will speak now everyone looks puzzled wondering who was speaking till now Whats the similarity between Arnab Goswami Google? Both interrupt you before you complete the sentence Arnab decided to keep silent on Feb 30th That day would be observed as world peace day If Arnab Dolly Bindra get married their kid would be the most advanced sound system ever built on this planet

A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job The manager asked Do you have any sales experience? The young man answered Yeah I was a salesman back home in Dubbo The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job His first day was challenging and busy but he got through it After the store was locked up the manager came down and asked OK so how many sales did you make today? The Aussie said One The manager groaned and continued Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day How much was the sale for? Pound 188 427 55 The manager choked and exclaimed Pound 188 427 55 What the hell did you sell him??? Well first I sold him a small fish hook then a medium fish hook and then I sold him a new fishing rod Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast so I told him he would need a boat so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engine Power Cat Then he said he didn t think his Honda Civic would pull it so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x4 The manager incredulous said You mean to tell me a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a 4x4? No no no he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his lady friend and I said Well since your weekend s buggered you might as well go fishing

A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death The leader of the discussion said We will all die some day and none of us really know when but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event Everybody shook their heads in agreement with this comment Then the leader said to the group What would you do if you knew you only had four weeks of life remaining before your death and then the Great Judgment Day? A gentleman said I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lives Very good said the group leader and all the group members agreed that would be a very good thing to do One lady spoke up and said enthusiastically I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God my family my church and my fellow man with a greater conviction That`s wonderful the group leader commented and all the group members agreed that would be a very good thing to do But one gentleman in the back finally spoke up loudly and said I would go to my mother-in-law s house for the four weeks Everyone was puzzled by this answer and the group leader ask Why your mother-in-law`s home? Then the gentleman smiled sarcastically and said Because that would be the longest four weeks of my life

The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were protecting Feeling the heat from the police force they decided to use a deaf person for this job--if he were to get caught he wouldn`t be able to communicate to the police what he was doing On his first week the deaf collector picks up over 50 000 He gets greedy decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place The mafia soon realizes that their collection is late and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector The hoods find the collector to ask him where the money is He can`t communicate with them so the mafia drags the guy to an interpreter The mafia hood says to the interpreter Ask him where the money is The interpreter signs Where`s the money? The deaf replies I don`t know what you`re talking about The interpreter tells the hood He says he doesn`t know what you`re talking about The hood pulls out a 38 gun places it in the ear of the deaf collector NOW ask him where the money is The interpreter signs Where is the money? The deaf man replies The 50 000 is in Central Park hidden in the third tree stump on the left from the West 78th Street gate The interpreter says to the hood He says he still doesn`t know what you`re talking about and doesn`t think you have the balls to pull the trigge

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood They we re celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and decided to walk down the street to their old school There they hold hands as they find the old desk they d shared and where he had carved I love you Sally On their way back home a bag of money falls out of an armored car and lands practically at their feet Sally quickly picks it up and decides to take it home until they decide what to do with it There she counts the money and it s fifty thousand dollars The husband says We ve got to give it back She says Finders keepers and puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic The next day two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home They say Pardon me but did either of you find or know about some money that fell out of an armored car yesterday? She says No The husband quickly interjects She s lying She hid it up in the attic She says Don t believe him he s getting senile However the agents sit the man down and begin to question him Sir please tell us the story from the beginning The old man says Well when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday The FBI agents immediately look at each other and say Let s get out of here

Drivin Licence Applikason Faram NOTE: Please do not Soot the person at the applikason konter He will give you the licen For phurthar instructions see bottom applikason 1 Last name: ( ) Yadav ( ) Sinha ( ) Pandey ( ) Misra ( ) Dot no (Check karet box) 2 First name: ( ) Ramprasad ( ) Lakhan ( ) Sivprasad ( ) Jamnaprasad ( ) Dot no (Check karet box) 3 Age: ( ) Less than phipty ( ) Greater than phipty ( ) Dot no (Check karet box) 4 Sex: M P(F) not sure not applicable 5 Chappal Size: Lepht Right 6 Occupason: ( ) Politison ( ) Doodhwala ( ) Pehelwaan ( ) House wife ( ) Un-employed (Check karet box) 7 Number of children libhing in the household: 8 Number that are yours: 9 Mather name: 10 Phather Name: (If not no leave blank) 11 Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) 12 Dental rekard: ( ) Ellow ( ) Berownish-ellow ( ) Berown ( ) Belack ( ) Other - Give egjhakt color (Check karet box) **13 Your thumb imparesson : (** If you are copying from another applikason pharom please do not copy thumb impression also Please provide your own thumb impression) PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS Use thumb on your lepht hand only If you dont have lepht hand use your thumb on right hand If you do not have right hand use thumb on lepht hand NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS YOU CANNOT DRIVE WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS

अगर इलेक्ट्रिकल इंजीनियर हिंदी फिल्में बनाते तो उनके नाम कुछ ऐसे होते: करंट हो न हो जानम सप्लाई करो सर्किट वाले इंडिकेटर ले जायेंगे कभी AC कभी DC हमारा IC आपके पास है फ्यूज लगाया तो डरना क्या Capacitor नंबर 1 हम सिग्नल दे चुके सनम फ्यूज तो उड़ना ही था

Lexophile: (Lovers of Words) is a word used to describe those that have a love for words such as you can tune a piano but you can t tuna fish or to write with a broken pencil is pointless A competition to see who can come up with the best lexphillies is held every year in an undisclosed location This year s winning submission is posted at the very end When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U C L A The batteries were given out free of charge A dentist and a manicurist married They fought tooth and nail A will is a dead giveaway With her marriage she got a new name and a dress A boiled egg is hard to beat When you ve seen one shopping Center you ve seen a mall Police were called to a day care Center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He s all right now A bicycle can t stand alone; it is two tired When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered He had a photographic memory which was never developed When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she d dye Acupuncture is a jab well done That s the point of it Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end

I ALWAYS wanted to be somebody but I should have been more specific HAVE you ever noticed ? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac YOU have to stay in shape My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60 She`s 97 today and we don t know where she is THE reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise ANY time four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing a bank robbery has just taken place THE statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness Think of your three best friends If they are okay then it s you NOW they show you how detergents take out bloodstains a pretty violent image there I think if you`ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it maybe laundry isn t your biggest problem Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash I ASK people why they have deer heads on their walls They always say because it s such a beautiful animal There you go I think my mother is attractive but I only have photographs of her A LADY came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket You know a cow was murdered for that jacket? She sneered I replied in a psychotic tone I didn t know there were any witnesses Now I ll have to kill you too

It was Sunday morning when Bill an avid hunter woke up ready to go nail the first deer of the season He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and to his surprise he finds his wife Judy sitting there fully decked out in camouflage overalls Bill asks her Ummm What are you up to? Judy smiles I m going hunting with you Bill though he had many reservations about this reluctantly decides to take her along Two hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside the city Bill sets his overly anxious wife up safely in the deer stand and tells her If you see a deer take careful aim on it and I ll come running back as soon as I hear the shot Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn t bag an elephant much less a deer Not 15 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears a breakout of gunshots Quickly Bill starts running back As Bill gets closer to her stand he hears Judy screaming Get away from my damn deer Confused and frightened Bill races faster towards his screaming wife And again he hears her scream Get away from my fu in deer now followed by another volley of gunfire Now within sight of where he had left his wife Bill is surprised to see a Texas cowboy with his hands high in the air The cowboy obviously distraught says Okay lady You can have your fu in deer Just let me get my saddle off it

एक हवाई जहाज में चार-पांच पैग पीने के बाद ब्रिटिश बोला अब मैं सोने जा रहा हूँ। अमेरिकन बोला मैं अपने ऑफिस का काम निबटाने जा रहा हूँ। जर्मन बोला मैं अभी फिल्म देखूंगा। चीनी: मैं तो अब संगीत सुनना चाहता हूँ। भारतीय आज तो भाई प्लेन उड़ाएगा।

1 My first job was working in an orange juice factory but I got canned I couldn t concentrate 2 Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack but I just couldn t hack it so they gave me the axe 3 After that I tried to be a tailor but I just wasn t suited for it - mainly because it was a sew-sew job 4 Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting 5 Then I tried to be a chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn t have the thyme 6 I attempted to be a deli worker but any way I sliced it I couldn t cut the mustard 7 My best job was a musician but eventually I found I wasn t noteworthy 8 I studied a long time to become a doctor but I didn t have any patience 9 Next was a job in a shoe factory I tried but I just didn t fit in 10 I became a professional fisherman but discovered that I couldn t live on my net income 11 I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company but the work was just too draining 12 So then I got a job in a workout center but they said I wasn t fit for the job 13 After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian - until I realized there was no future in it 14 My last job was working in Starbucks but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind 15 SO I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND THAT I M PERFECT FOR THE JOB

How to Make a man happy: 1 Feed him 2 Sleep with him 3 Leave him with peace 4 Don t check his phone (Msgs) 5 Don t bother him with his movements So whats so hard about that? How to make a woman happy: It s really not too difficult but To make a woman happy a man only needsto be: 1 A friend 2 A companion 3 A lover 4 A brother 5 A father 6 A master 7 A chef 8 An electrician 9 A plumber 10 A mechanic 11 A carpenter 12 A decorator 13 A stylist 14 A sexologist 15 A gynecologist 16 A psychologist 17 A pest exterminator 18 A psychiatrist 19 A healer 20 A good listener 21 An organizer 22 A good father 23 Very clean 24 Sympathetic 25 Sthletic 26 Warm 27 Attentive 28 Gallant 29 Intelligent 30 Funny 31 Creative 32 Tender 33 Strong 34 Understanding 35 Tolerant 36 Pprudent 37 Ambitious 38 Capable 39 Courageous 40 Determined 41 True 42 Dependable 43 Passionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 44 Give her compliments regularly 45 Go shopping with her 46 Be honest 47 Be very rich 48 Not stress her out 49 Not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME YOU MUST ALSO: 50 Give her lots of attention 51 Give her lots of time especially time for herself 52 Give her lots of space never worrying about where she goes BUT MOST OF ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT 53 Never forget Birthdays anniversaries and Valentine arrangements she makes

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment Then a new school year began The very next afternoon three young boys full of youthful after-school enthusiasm came down his street beating merrily on every trashcan they encountered The crashing percussion continued day after day until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action The next afternoon he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street Stopping them he said You kids are a lot of fun I like to see you express your exuberance like that I used to do the same thing when I was your age Will you do me a favor? I`ll give you each a dollar if you`ll promise to come around every day and do your thing The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans A few days later the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street Look he said I haven`t received my Social Security check yet so I`m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents Will that be okay? A lousy quarter? the drum leader exclaimed If you think we`re going to waste our time beating these cans around for a quarter you`re nuts No way mister We quit And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days

एक नए शादी शुदा जोड़े ने पेपर में इश्तिहार दिया
लड़का पैदा करने का तरीका बताओ
बंगाल से ख़त आया : बीबी को मछली दो
केरला से ख़त आया : इडली दो
हिमाचल से ख़त आया : सेब दो
गुजरात से ख़त आया : ढोकला दो
हरयाणा से ख़त आया : हाम्ने सेवा को मौका दो