The stockbroker s secretary answered his phone one morning I m sorry she said Mr Natrajan is on another line Oh I d only like to know if he s bullish or bearish right now He s talking to his wife the secretary replied Right now I d say he s sheepish

A couple came upon a wishing well The husband leaned over made a wish and threw in a penny The wife decided to make a wish too But she leaned over too much fell into the well and drowned The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said: It really works

Man runs to the doctor and says doctor you`ve got to help me my wife thinks she`s a chicken Doctor says how long has she had this condition? Two years says the man Then why did it take you so long to come and see me? The man shrugs his shoulders we needed the eggs

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room Husband Just so you know I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle If that ever happens just pull the plug His wife got up unplugged the TV and threw out all of his bee

A farmer’s wife was terribly jealous Evening after evening she subjected her husband to a searching inspection When she would find even a single hair on his coat there would be a terrible scene One night she found nothing So she screamed Now it’s a bald-headed woman

A door to door salesman knocked on a door and a woman answered Salesman: Hello would you like to buy a book titled 500 excuses to give your wife for staying out late? Woman : Why on earth would I buy a book like that ? Salesman: Because I sold a copy to your husband this morning

Old Farmer Johnson was dying The family was standing around his bed With a low voice he said to his wife When I m dead I want you to marry farmer Jones Wife No I can t marry anyone after you Johnson But I want you to Wife But why? Johnson Jones once cheated me in a horse deal

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present Who is the most obedient? he asked Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says? Five small voices answered in unison Okay dad you get the toy

After a young couple brought their new baby home the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers I`m busy he said I`ll do the next one The next time came around and she asked again The husband looked puzzled Oh I didn`t mean the next diaper I meant the next baby

Husband: Honey if I died would you get remarried? Wife: Well I suppose so Husband: Would you and he sleep in the same bed? Wife: I guess we would Husband: Would you make love to him? Wife: He would be my husband then dear Husband: Would you give him my golf clubs? Wife: No he s left handed

Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives One signs to the other Boy was my wife mad at me last night She went on and on and wouldn t stop The other Buddy says When my wife goes off on me I just don t listen How do you do that? says the other It s easy I turn off the light

Mrs Smith found her husband hanging in his bedroom this morning There was a note on his bed which read I can t take the critism anymore Mrs Smith quickly cut him down and managed to revive him As Mr Smith lay in her arms and slowly opened his eyes she said That s not how you spell criticism

A husband takes the wife to a night club There s aguy on the dance floor giving it big time Break dancing moon walking back flips the works The wife turns to her husband and says See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down The husband says Looks to me like he s still celebrating

A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army Interviewer We want a person with a suspicious mind always alert merciless ready to attack acute sense of hearing detective ability and most importantly having a KILLER INSTINCT So do you think you are eligible? Man No Sir but can my Wife apply ?

During a recent vacation in Las Vegas a man went to see a popular magic show After one especially amazing feat a man from the back of the theater yelled How`d you do that? I could tell you sir the magician answered But then I`d have to kill you After a short pause the man yelled back Ok then just tell my wife