Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office Why? Husband: When there is a problem no matter how impossible I look at your picture and the problem disappears Wife: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Husband: Yes I see your picture and say to myself What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

One evening a young lady came home from a date rather sad She told her mother Anthony proposed to me an hour ago Then why are you so sad? her mother asked Because he also told me he is an atheist Mom he doesn t even believe there s a Hell Her mother replied Marry him anyway Between the two of us we ll show him just how wrong he is

A man is waiting in line for a hit movie Behind him are two women The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together Seeing the problem the usher says to the man Let them go first You wouldn’t want to separate a woman from her mother would you? The man says No sir I did that once and I’ve been sorry ever since

The boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn t getting any respect The next day he brought a small sign that Read: I m the Boss He then taped it to his office door Later that day when he returned from lunch he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: Your wife called she wants her sign back

My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like It seems the minister asked my Mom Do you take this man to be your husband And she said I do Then the minister asked my Dad Do you take this woman to be your wife and my Mom said He does

A couple hired a new chauffeur The memsahib asked him to take her out for shopping and was very shaken by the experience Back home she pleaded with her husband Please dear you must sack this new chauffeur at once He is so rash he nearly killed me three times this morning Darling don t be so hasty replied the husband give him another chance

A man wife entered a dentist`s office The Wife said I want a tooth pulled I don`t want gas or Novocain because I`m in a terrible hurry Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible You`re a brave woman said the dentist Now Show me which tooth it is The wife turns to her husband and says Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is dea

Two friends met after a long time Hey I got married Oh Thats good No that s bad She s ugly Oh That s Bad No that s Good She s rich Oh That s good No that s bad She won t give me a cent Oh That s bad No that s Good She bought me a big house Oh That s good No that s bad The house burnt down Oh That s bad No that s good She was inside

At my granddaughter s wedding the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest It turned out to be my husband and I The DJ asked us What advice would you give to the newly-married couple? I said The three most important words in a marriage are You re probably right Everyone then looked at my husband He said She s probably right

A married lady visited her elderly parents home When she opened refrigerator she was shocked to see inside a picture of a lovely slender perfectly built young woman in two-piece bikini Lady: Mom what s this? Mom: Oh I put that up there to remind me not to overeat Lady: Is it working? Mom: Yes and No I ve lost 8 kilos but your dad has gained 20

The henpecked plumber rang the bell The master and the mistress of the house came to the door together As they all three stood in the hall the husband a methodical man announced I wish before you go upstairs to acquaint you with my trouble The plumber shyly dropped his eyes Pleased to meet yer ma am he mumbled as he held out his hand to the wife

An angry housewife met her husband at the front door and immediately noticed he smelled of alcohol and perfume I assume she said with her most acidic sarcasm That there must be a very good reason for your coming home at six o clock in the morning with booze on your breath and another woman s perfume all over you There is he said I d like breakfast

After 15 years of marriage the wife asked her husband to describe her The husband looked at her slowly and without blinking an eye said ABCDEFGHIJK What does that mean? She asked Adorable Beautiful Cute Delightful Elegant Fashionable Gorgeous and Hot he replied Wife Smiling asked So sweet of you honey What about IJK? He replied I m Just Kidding

A woman went to the mall to buy Valentine s Day cards for her son and father The 50 feet of displays for hundreds of cards astounded her She muttered out loud I wonder if they have anything for ex-husbands The clerk behind the counter said Oh yes maim they do but they re in Sporting Goods Really? exclaimed the woman Yes maim They re called darts

The wife wanted to do some shopping during the day and so at breakfast she asked her husband for a hundred rupees Money money money he shouted at the top of his voice Every day of the week you want more money If you ask me I think you need brains more than you need money Perhaps so his wife agreed but I asked you for what I thought you had the most of