Husband to wife: Today is a fine day Next day he says: Today is a fine day Again next day he says same thing: Today is a fine day Finally after a week the wife can t take it and asks her husband: Since one week you are saying this Today is a fine day I am fed up What s the matter? Husband: Last week when we had an argument you said I will leave you one fine day I was just trying to remind you
After examining a patient the doctor took his wife aside and told her that her husband was gravely ill but there were 3 things she could do to ensure his survival 1 Give him three nutritious meals every day 2 Do not nag him 3 Make love to him every night While driving back home the husband asked his wife What did the doctor say ? I am sorry dear but he said that you are not going to make it
The thrill is gone from my marriage Peter told his friend Alex Alex suggests Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair? But what if my wife finds out? asks Peter Heck this is a new age we live in Peter Go ahead and tell her about it said Alex So Peter went home and said Dear I think an affair will bring us closer together Forget it said his wife I ve tried that - it didn t work
An 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment killing him instantly Brought before the court on the charge of murder she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense Your Honor she began coolly I figured that at 92 if he could have sex he could fly
Husband s Message (by text): Darling I got hit by a car outside the office Paula brought me to the hospital They have been doing tests and taking X-rays The blow to my head though very strong should not have any serious or lasting effect but I have three broken ribs a broken arm a compound fracture of the left leg and they may have to amputate my right foot Fingers crossed Wife s Response: Who s Paula?
The lovers had decided that a mutual parting of the ways was best for both of them However on the way to the Airport a rather heated debate started as to whose fault their break-up was At the crowded gate she turned and said Thanks for nothing you cheap bastard As she went down the ramp with the other passengers he shouted back Hey baby Don t be like that If you ever work this town again give me a call
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O Grady after his Sunday morning service and she s in tears He says So what s bothering you dear? She says Oh Father I ve got terrible news My husband passed away last night The priest says Oh Mary that s terrible Tell me Mary did he have any last requests? She says That he did Father The priest says What did he ask Mary? She says He said Please Mary put down that damn gun
When Joe a nice man married for over 50 years died his wife Myrtle was devastated A couple of months later Myrtle also died Once in heaven Myrtle anxiously looked for Joe Suddenly behind a Cloud she could clearly see him with another woman She ran towards him calling his name Joe Darling Joe Joe said Hold your horses woman and don t give me that darling shit The deal was very clear: Until death do us part
Husband sent a text to his wife at night Hi Honey I will get late please try and wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return After a while he sent another text And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I m getting you a new car She text back OMG really? Husband replied No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message
This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor The husband asks I notice you ve been watching that man for some time now Do you know him? Yes she replies He s my ex-husband and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago That s remarkable the husband replies I wouldn t think anybody could celebrate that long
This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor The husband asks I notice you ve been watching that man for some time now Do you know him? Yes she replies He s my ex-husband and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago That s remarkable the husband replies I wouldn t think anybody could celebrate that long
During one generation gap quarrel with his parents young boy cried I want excitement adventure money and beautiful women I`ll never find it here at home so I`m leaving Don`t try and stop me With that he headed toward the door His father rose and followed close behind Didn`t you hear what I said? I don`t want you to try and stop me Who`s trying to stop you? replied his father If you wait a minute I`ll go with you
A sailor came home from a secret two year mission at sea only to find his wife with a new born baby Furious he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge Was it my friend Joe he demanded No his weeping wife replied Was it my friend Bob then? he asked NO she said even more upset Well which one of my no good friends did this then? he asked Don t you think I have any friends of my own? she snapped
From a woman s point of view: - The most perfect man in the world is her father - The most abused husband in the world is her brother - The most handsome man in the world is her son - The luckiest and happiest man in the world is her sister s husband - The most thankful man in the world is her son in law - And the worst most selfish heartless total jerk and the man with worst behavior in the world is her husband
During one generation-gap quarrel with his parents young Michael cried I want excitement adventure money and beautiful women I ll never find it here at home so I m leaving Don t try and stop me With that he headed toward the door His father rose and followed close behind Didn t you hear what I said? I don t want you to try and stop me Who s trying to stop you? replied his father If you wait a minute I ll go with you
