A man frantically calls the hotel desk from his room on the 11th floor Please come quick I m having an arguement with my wife and she says she s going to jump out the hotel window The hotel manager replies Sir I m afraid that s a domestic matter and the hotel and it s staff are obligated to not interfere The husband responds Like hell it s a domestic matter This damn window won t open and that sir is a hotel maintenance problem

An angry wife to her husband on phone Wife: Where the hell are you ? Husband: Honey you remember that gold shop where you saw the diamond necklace totally fell in love with it ? Wife (relaxed) : Yes my dear Husband: Remember I had no cash to buy it for you that day and I said I will buy it for you one day ? Wife (totally relaxed with a smile a blush) : Yes I remember my love Husband: Good I am in a beer parlour next to that shop

Tim: Sam I hear you just got married again Sam: Yes for the fourth time Tim: What happened to your first three wives? Sam: They all died Tim Tim: How did that happen? Sam: My first wife ate poison mushrooms Tim: How terrible And your second? Sam: She ate poison mushrooms Tim: And your third ate poison mushrooms too? Sam: Oh no She died of a broken neck Tim: I see; an accident Sam: Not exactly She was not eating her mushrooms

Wedding speech from modern girl to her in laws: My dear new family I thank you for welcoming me in my new house Firstly I must tell you that my presence here should not change your life routines Those who used to do the laundry must keep on doing it Those cooking must keep cooking Those cleaning must keep cleaning I ll not disturb anybody s routine So far as I m concerned I m here only to: Eat BUN Have FUN and Entertain yiur SON

Now that they ve retired my mother and father are discussing all aspects of their future What will you do if I die before you do? Dad asked Mom After some thought she said that she d probably look for a house-sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself since she is so active for her age Then Mom asked Dad What will you do if I die first? He replied Probably the same thing

A mother-in-law explaining work to her newly wed Daughter-in-law I am Home Minister as well as Finance Minister of this house yur Father-in-law is the Foriegn Minister my Son I mean your husband runs the Ministry of Demand and Supply and my daughter runs Planning Developement Ministry Now you tell me which Ministry would you like to run? Daughter-in-law instantly replied with a smile Dear mother-in-law I ll be the leader of OPPOSITION

A retired couple is lying in bed one night and are discussing all aspects of their future What will you do if I die before you do? husband asked wife After some thought she said I d probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself since she is so active for her age Then wife asked husband What will you do if I die first? He replied Probably the same thing

Bill pilled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man What makes you say that? the bartender inquired Last week Bill explained I had to take a couple of sick days from work Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman and the post office guy came by she d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering My old man s home My old man s home

Morris was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table reading the paper after breakfast He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge He turned to his wife Sherry with a look of question on his face I’ll never understand why the biggest shmucks get the most attractive wives His wife replies Why thank you dea

A missionary discovered a tribe of Indians in the Amazon who had never recorded a baptism confirmation or marriage The missionary soon rectified the situation by baptizing everyone He also married every beaming couple that walked by Later the tribal chief told the missionary the tribe had never had so much fun The missionary asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most The marriage service the chief said smiling We all got new wives

Every day Francesca went to the cemetery in her village to water the flowers on the grave of her deceased husband Enzo When she was finished she always walked backwards when leaving the grave One day her friend Bianca asked Francesca why do you always leave the cemetery walking backwards? Francesca answered When Enzo was alive he always told me You ve got such a great ass; it could bring a dead man back to life I m not taking any chances

Smith and his wife a middle-aged couple went for a stroll in the park They say down on a bench to rest They overheard voices coming from a secluded spot Suddenly Mrs Smith realized that a young man was about to propose Not wanting to eavesdrop at such an intimate moment she nudged her husband and whispered Whistle and let that young couple know that someone can hear them Smith said Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me

Every day Francesca went to the cemetery in her village to water the flowers on the grave of her deceased husband Enzo When she was finished she always walked backwards when leaving the grave One day her friend Bianca asked Francesca why do you always leave the cemetery walking backwards? Francesca answered When Enzo was alive he always told me You ve got such a great ass it could bring a dead man back to life So I m not taking any chances

As the crowded elevator descended Mrs Kumar became increasingly furious with her husband who was delighted to be pressed against a drop dead gorgeous young lady As the elevator stopped at the main floor the lady suddenly whirled slapped Mr Kumar and said That will teach you to pinch Bewildered Mr Kumar was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked I I didn t pinch that girl Of course you didn t replied his wife consolingly I did

Husband calls his wife Husband Hi Honey I was driving to Susan s place along the coast road and had a sudden puncture The car skidded and rolled over Only a small tree kept me from sliding over a cliff and falling 500 feet I managed to crawl out of the car only one second before the tree snapped and the car fell over the cliff I am now in hospital with a broken arm several broken ribs a shattered kneecap and severe concussion Wife Who is Susan?