Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before The first man signed to his friend My wife was asleep when I got home so I was able to sneak into bed and not get into trouble The second deaf man signed back Boy you re lucky My wife was wide awake waiting for me in bed and she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late The first deaf man asked So what did you do? The second man replied I turned out the light
In a small town in the US there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men Concerned about this a local woman called on the manager and asked him: Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak dumb cantankerous or what? Not at all ma am the manger replied It is because our employees are used to obeying orders are accustomed to being shoved around know how to keep their mouths shut and don`t pout when I yell at them
A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie He decides to test it at dinner Dad: Son where were you today during school hours? Son: At school The robot slaps the son Son: Ok I watched a DVD at my mates Dad: Which one? Son: Kung Fu Panda The robot slaps the son again Son: Ok It was a Porno Dad: WHAT? When I was your age I didn’t even know what porn was The robot slaps the Dad Mom: Hahahahaha After all he’s your son The robot slaps the mom
I ran into Jim at work yesterday He had been out for a few days with the flu I asked him how he was feeling I m better thanks You know it was a wonderful experience he replied Wonderful? How can the flu be wonderful? I asked in stunned disbelief Well I learned that my wife really loves me You know that whenever the mailman came by or a delivery man headed toward the door my wife ran out to meet them I could hear her excitedly saying My husband is home My husband is home
Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before The first man signed to his friend My wife was asleep when I got home so I was able to sneak into bed and not get into trouble The second deaf man signed back Boy you re lucky My wife was wide awake waiting for me in bed and she started swearing at me and giving me heck for being out so late The first deaf man asked So what did you do? The second deaf man signed I turned out the light
In a small town in the US there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men Concerned about this a local woman called on the manager and asked him Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak dumb cantankerous or what? Not at all Ma am the manager replied It is because our employees are used to obeying orders are accustomed to being shoved around know how to keep their mouths shut and don t pout when I yell at them
So let me get this straight the prosecutor says to the defendant You came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man That s correct replies the defendant Upon which continues the prosecutor you took out a pistol and shot your wife killing her That s correct replies the defendant Then my question to you is demands the prosecutor why did you shoot your wife and not her lover? It seemed easier the defendant says than shooting a different man every day
So let me get this straight the prosecutor says to the defendant You came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man That s correct replies the defendant Upon which continues the prosecutor you took out a pistol and shot your wife killing her That s correct replies the defendant Then my question to you is demands the prosecutor why did you shoot your wife and not her lover? It seemed easier the defendant says than shooting a different man every day
So let me get this straight the prosecutor says to the defendant You came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man That s correct replies the defendant Upon which continues the prosecutor you took out a pistol and shot your wife killing her That s correct replies the defendant Then my question to you is demands the prosecutor why did you shoot your wife and not her lover? It seemed easier the defendant says than shooting a different man every day
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery and his wife was sitting by his side His eyes fluttered open and he said You re beautiful and then he fell asleep again His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said You re cute Well the wife was disappointed because instead of beautiful it was cute She said What happened to beautiful ? His reply was The drugs are wearing off
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery and his wife was sitting by his side His eyes fluttered open and he said You re beautiful and then he fell asleep again His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said You re cute Well the wife was disappointed because instead of beautiful it was cute She said What happened to beautiful ? His reply was The drugs are wearing off
One mother in law to another I heard that both your son and daughter have been married off - how are they? Oh my daughter in law is really not that good She sleeps late and expects my son to make the morning coffee She does not cook wants my son to take her out to eat more But my son in law is an angel He allows my daughter to stay late in bed even makes bed coffee for her Insists on taking my daughter out to eat so often I tell you I don t know what to do with my daughter in law
Three men were sitting in a bar talking about how whipped they had their wives The first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives to do anything They looked at the third man and he said I have my wife so whipped that the other day I had her crawling towards me on her hands and knees Both of the other men were very impressed and asked him how he had managed that The man replied Well I was laying under the bed and she crawled over and said Come out and fight like a man
After being away on business for a week before Christmas Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift How about some perfume? he asked the cosmetics clerk She showed him a bottle costing 50 That s a bit much said Tom so she returned with a smaller bottle for 30 That s still quite a bit Tom groused Growing disgusted the clerk brought out a tiny 15 bottle Tom grew agitated What I mean he said is I d like to see something real cheap So the clerk handed him a mirro
Husband in a good mood: Darling remember 25 years ago I had a rented one room apartment a table fan a black white tv and a cycle to use But at night I used to sleep besides a 25 yrs old beautiful girl Now I own a luxurious bungalow with 4 LED TVs a Limousine and a Porsche servants but I sleep with a 50 yrs old woman Wife: Dont worry Just find yourself a 25 yrs old beautiful woman and I will make sure that you go back to your 1 room rented apartment table fan black white TV and a cycle
