On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration Tell us Tom just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife? Tom responds Well I ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all It teaches you loyalty forbearance meekness self-restraint forgiveness --and a great many other qualities you wouldn t have needed if you d stayed single

A guy sits in a taxi and sees his wife entering a hotel with another man and tells the driver Do you want to earn Rs 5000 right away? The driver excitedly said What do I have to do? Bring my wife by the hair out of that hotel here s a picture of her After a while the driver is seen dragging a woman by the hair while kicking and beating her and puts her in the Taxi And the husband says to him This is not my wife The driver replied Nooooo this is mine hold her for me I m going for yours

A family was having dinner on Mother s Day For some reason the mother was unusually quiet Finally the husband asked what was wrong Nothing said the woman Not buying it he asked again Seriously what s wrong? Do you really want to know? Well I ll tell you I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother s Day you don t even tell me so much as Thank you Why should I? he said Not once in 15 years have I gotten a Father s Day gift Yes she said but I m their real mothe

A family was having dinner on Mother s Day For some reasonthe mother was unusually quiet Finally the husband asked what was wrong Nothing said the woman Not buying it he asked again Seriously what s wrong? Do you really want to know? Well I ll tell you I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother s Day you don t even tell me so much as Thank you Why should I? he said Not once in 15 years have I gotten a Father s Day gift Yes she said but I m their real mothe

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name `Marylou` written on it she said furious You had better have an explanation Calm down honey the man replied Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on The next morning his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again What was that for? he complained Your dog called last night

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago Red meat is awful Vegetables can be disastrous and none of us realises the germs in our drinking water But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I m referring to? You sir in the first row please give us your idea The man lowered his head and said Wedding cake

The wealthy old gentleman and his wife were celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary and their three grown sons joined them for dinner The old man was rather irritated when he discovered that none of the boys had bothered to bring a gift and after the meal he drew them aside You re all grown men he said and old enough to hear this Your mother and I have never been legally married What? gasped one of the sons Do you mean to say we re all bastards? Yes snapped the old man and cheap ones too

After my wife and her former best buddy another Air Force wife were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast the telephone became their chief means of communication When our phone bills showed astronomical increases the other spouse and I sought relief Since we both owned computers we encourage our wives to use email Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents

As a young married couple a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy This was painfully obvious when one morning the wife was upstairs and the husband was downstairs on the telephone He was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet his neighbor Give this to your wife he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into his hands She s been yelling for it for 20 minutes

How various wife s fight with their respective husbands Pilot s wife: Don t fly too high Teacher s wife: Don t teach me Painter s wife: I ll paint you Dhobi s wife: I ll wash you Actor s wife: Don t act too much Dentist s wife: I ll break your teeth CA s wife: Stay with proper accountability Engineer s wife: I ll loosen all your parts Architect s wife: Stay straight or else I ll change your architecture and the Best one Marketing Executive s wife: If you speak too much I ll sell you on OLX

This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made The first Sunday he only preached ten minutes The second Sunday he preached only twenty minutes But on the third Sunday he preached 1 hour 25 minutes When asked about this by some of the congregation he responded this way The first Sunday my gums were so sore it hurt to talk The second Sunday my dentures were hurting a lot The third Sunday I accidentally grabbed my wife s dentures and I couldn t stop talking

A wife goes to the local market to buy some organic vegetables for her husbands She came back rather upset When her husband asked her what was wrong she said I don t think I like that produce guy I went and looked around for organic vegetables and I couldn t find any So I asked him Where the organic Vegetables were? He didn t know what I was talking about so I said These vegetables are for my husbands Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals? And he said No ma am You ll have to do that yourself

A man was wandering around in a field thinking about how good his wife had been to him and how fortunate he was to have her He asked God Why did you make her so kind hearted? The Lord responded So you could love her my son Why did you make her so good looking? So you could love her my son Why did you make her such a good cook? So you could love her my son The man thought about this Then he said I don t mean to seem ungrateful or anything but why did you make her so stupid? So she could love you my son

There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband For example A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can Once she s done she goes to the kitchen to have a drink As she enters she sees her husband there reading a magazine Hi Darling he says Your parents have come to visit us so l let them stay in our bedroom Did you say hello ?

New drugs for men created by women scientists are waiting for FDA approval ANIVERSIA: Triggers memories for birthdays and anniversaries SLIMOXIL: Widens male cornea making wives appear slim SPORTOBLIND X: Reacts with optic nerve to prevent men from recognizing the word Sports on TV WORKOCETAMOL: Generates an insatiable desire in men to do household chores SHOPHOFOBEX: Makes men eager to take wives for shopping every week and wait patiently FLIRTONATE-N: It reduces vision whenever a pretty woman passes by