Then there was the guy who loved nothing better than to sit at nearby bar for long evenings and get stoned with his cronies But his wife was a social climber and was prone to having her ladies in for bridge etc This one night she didn’t want him to be around embarrassing her so she told him to stay out as late as he wished just don’t come in and make another scene Well he came in the back door a little early as she was preparing tea and some delicate little sandwiches and was infuriated at his early return home You keep your mouth shut and go upstairs to bed she told him Oh relax says the husband I ll just take a cup of coffee say good evening to the ladies and I ll be gone Just keep your mouth shut says the wife Well when she finally went back into the living room all the ladies were gone and he sat there alone She flipped and told him she was going to divorce him and take everything he had but he said Wait a minute you have to hear my side of the story I came in here sat down and said good evening to the ladies and they carried on One lady said she was having trouble with mice in her house and another lady suggested she stuff their holes with steel wool and all I said was who is going to hold their little legs while you do it?

George Robin and Alex are standing at the Gates of Heaven being interviewed by St Peter Ok you George how many times did you cheat on your wife?? Let me be honest Peter I ve been seeing at least two or three different women a year all my married life Ok your car in heaven is that Hyundai Santro there Goodbye St Peter turns to Robin How many times did you cheat on your wife?? Robin replies I must admit that in fifteen years of marriage I did cheat on my wife twice St Peter says OK your car in heaven is that Honda Civic Here are the keys Get going He then looks at Alex And you how many times did you cheat on your wife?? Alex lifts his head high and replies I am proud to say that in over twenty years of marriage I never cheated on my wife In fact my beloved has been dead for two years now and I remained celibate the whole time St Peter replies Very impressive Your car in heaven is that BMW Z4-M Roadster convertible Goodbye George and Robin have driven off and are in a car park nearby waiting for their friend Alex turns up in his BMW but he is crying his heart out George asks Arrre What s the matter with you? We should be crying We re stuck with these cheaper models and you got an expensive BMW Between sobs Alex explains I just saw my wife driving a Nano

पति: जब मैं सूट पहनकर सब्जी लेने जाता हूं तो दुकानदार मुझे सब्जी महंगी देता है और जब मैं मैला कुर्ता-पाजामा पहनकर जाता हूं तो सब्जी सस्ती मिलती है। पत्नी: तब तो तुम हाथ में कटोरा लेकर जाया करो सब्जी मुफ्त में मिल जाया करेगी।

A bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death The leader of the discussion said We will all die some day and none of us really knows when but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event Everybody shook their heads in agreement with this comment Then the leader said to the group What would you do if you knew you only had four weeks of life remaining before your death? A gentleman said I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lifes Very good said the group leader and all the group members agreed that would be a very good thing to do One lady spoke up and said enthusiastically I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God my family my church and my fellow man with a greater conviction That is wonderful the group leader commented and all the group members agreed that would be a very good thing to do But one gentleman in the back finally spoke up loudly and said I would go to my mother-in-law`s house for the four weeks Everyone was puzzled by this answer and the group leader asked Why your mother-in-law`s home? Then the gentleman smiled sarcastically and said Because that would be the longest four weeks of my life

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years They had shared everything They had talked about everything They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about For all of these years he had never thought about the box but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover In trying to sort out their affairs the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife s bedside She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box When he opened it he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling 95 000 He asked her about the contents When we were to be married she said My grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue She told me that if I ever got angry with you I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears Only two Precious dolls were in the box She had only been angry with him two Times in all those years of living and loving He almost burst with Happiness Honey he said that explains the doll but what about all of this money? Where did it come from? Oh she said that s the money I made from selling the dolls

एक आदमी की बीवी लापता हो गई। उस आदमी ने अखबार में बीवी की गुमशुदगी का इश्तेहार कुछ इस तरह छपवाया: मेरी बीवी पिछले पांच दिनों से लापता है। जो कोई भी उसकी खोज-खबर मेरे पास लाएगा या उसे खोजने की कोशिश करेगा। वह अपनी जान से हाथ धो बैठेगा!

एक बार एक नवविवाहित दुल्हन अपनी सुहागरात पर अपने पति पूछती है। पत्नी: जानू बताओ मैं तुम्हे कितनी अच्छी लगती हूँ? पति: बेहद। पत्नी: बेहद मतलब? पति: बहुत ही ज्यादा। पत्नी: फिर भी कितनी? पति: इतनी कि दिल चाहता है तुम्हारी जैसी एक और ले आऊँ।

A woman is enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening Oh no I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband He s going to really be ticked if it s not ready on time When she gets home she realizes she doesn t have enough time to go to the supermarket and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf an egg and a can of cat food In a panic she opens the can of cat food stirs in the egg and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up She greets her husband and then watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner To her surprise the husband is really enjoying his dinner Darling this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage You can make this for me any old day Needless to say every bridge night from then on the woman made her husband the same dish She told her bridge cronies about it and they were all horrified You re going to kill him they exclaimed Two months later her husband died The woman were sitting around the table playing bridge when one of the cronies said You killed him We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband? The wife stoically replied I didn t kill him He fell off the mantel while he was licking his ass

A man was walking across the road when he had an accident The impact was on his head which caused him to be comatose for two days before he finally regained consciousness When he opened his eyes his wife was there beside him He held her hands and said meaningfully: You have always been by my side When I was a struggling University student I failed again and again And sometimes even my re-papers as well You were there beside me encouraging me to go on trying She squeezed his hands as he continued: When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs you were there beside me cutting out more adverts for me to apply He continued: Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract I blew it because of one little mistake And you were there beside me Then I finally got another job after being laid off for some time But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognised As such I remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now And you were still beside me Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband: And now I had an accident and when I woke up you are here beside me There s something I d really like to say to you She flung herself on the bed to hug her husband sobbing with emotion He said You re a freaking jinx

A letter from a guy to Agony Aunt: Dear Abby I ve never written to you before but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision I ve suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me The usual signs phone rings but if I answer the caller hangs up My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says Just some friends from work you don t know them I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive Although I can hear a car driving off as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner Why? Maybe she wasn t in a taxi? I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her Anyway I have never approached the subject with my wife I think deep down I just didn t want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home It was at that moment crouching behind my Harley that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer ???

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed The passion is heating up as it sometimes does But then the wife suddenly stops and says I don`t feel like it I just want you to hold me WHAT ? says her husband The wife explains that he must be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman He realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it The next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits She can`t decide He tells his wife to take all three of them They head to the shoe department and pick up matching shoes worth 200 each The pair go to the jewelry department where she finds a set of diamond earrings that her husband agrees to buy for her The wife is so excited She thinks her husband has flipped out - but she doesn`t care She goes for the matching tennis bracelet The husband says You don`t even play tennis but if you like it then let`s get it The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on She says to her husband I`m ready to go let`s go to the cashier The husband stops and says No honey I don`t feel like buying all this stuff now The wife`s face goes blank Honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while The look on her face is indescribable and she is about to explode as her husband says You must be in tune with my financial needs as a Man

एक महिला तलाक लेने के लिए कोर्ट पहुँची! जज साहब मैं अपने पति से तलाक लेना चाहती हूँ! जज ने पूछा पर क्यों? महिला ने कहा वह मेरे प्रति वफादार नही है! जज ने पूछा ये बात तुम्हें कैसे पता चली? महिला ने जवाब दिया माई लॉर्ड! मेरे एक भी बच्चे की शक्ल उससे नही मिलती!

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues: Hello? Honey it`s me Are you at the club? Yes Great I am at the mall two blocks from where you are I just saw a beautiful mink coat It`s absolutely gorgeous Can I buy it? What`s the price? Only 1 500 00 Well OK go ahead and get it if you like it that much Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new models I saw one I really liked I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year What price did he quote you? Only 70 000 OK but for that price I want it with all the options Great But before we hang up something else What? It might look like a lot but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year It`s on sale Remember? The one with a pool English Garden acre of park area beachfront property How much are they asking? Only 375 000 - a magnificent price and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover Well then go ahead and buy it but just bid 325 000 OK? OK sweetie Thanks I`ll see you later I love you Bye I do too The man hangs up closes the phone`s flap and raises his hand and asks all those present Okay who`s phone is this?

A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening Oh no I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband He`s going to be really ticked if it`s not ready on time she exclaimed suddenly When she got home she realized that she didn`t have enough time to go to the supermarket and all she had in the cupboard was a wilted lettuce leaf an egg and a can of cat food In a panic she opened the can of cat food stirred in the egg and garnished it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband pulled up She greeted her husband and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner To her surprise the husband really enjoyed his dinner Darling this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage You can make this for me any old day Needless to say every bridge night from then on the woman made her husband the same dish She told her bridge cronies about it and they were all horrified You`re going to kill him they exclaimed Two months later her husband died The women were sitting around the table playing bridge when one of the cronies said You killed him We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband? The wife stoically replied I didn`t kill him He fell off the mantel while he was licking his butt Contributted by:- PAWAN SONI email address:- pawan soni in yahoo com

Grandpa and Grandma were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about the good old days Grandma turned to Grandpa and said Honey do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand? Grandpa looked over at her smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his With a wry little smile Grandma pressed a little farther Honey do you remember how after we were engaged you`d sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek? Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek Growing bolder still Grandma said Honey do you remember how after we were first married you’d kind of nibble on my ear? Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house Alarmed Grandma said Honey where are you going? Grandpa replied To get my teeth take my hand? Grandpa looked over at her smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his With a wry little smile Grandma pressed a little farther Honey do you remember how after we were engaged you`d sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek? Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek Growing bolder still Grandma said Honey do you remember how after we were first married you’d kind of nibble on my ear? Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house Alarmed Grandma said Honey where are you going? Grandpa replied To get my teeth